[AnnaSydney]

I was on a date with a great guy last night, we had dinner at his and a dvd (it was out 3rd date). then when he wanted to get close to me, the same old thing ruined everything, something i believe called Coitophobia. I'm scared of having sex
I dont even know wheter i should consider myslef as a virgin. in a way, definitely. I'm 22 and I've spent a lot of time in my teenage years wondering what was wrong with me. I've been to parties with guys who were keen but i just always though i didnt like the idea of one nite stands and that i was still too young, not ready. however now i believe there's something more to it. I even thought i was gay. I was with a girl, we were together for a year and we did have sex. I wasnt scared, it felt right, that made me believe that i really was gay. but after a year things stopped feeling rite, i guess i grew up and realised that i WANST gay. and now i tryly believe that i'm not. I'm really interested in guys and now i got to the point where i really want to find one, the one that i will feel secure with. i wanna settle down. but again this damn phobia doesnt let me do it.
Last night, he was great, gentle. We kinda started something and then when he moved down to take off my trousers i said no, thank god he accepted that. I dont know why i said no, i kinda wanted it. I just want to have my first time done and over with, to see what's it like and to hopefully find out there is nothing to be scared of. But i have never had a guy inside me and I'm so damn scared of it. I cant focus, i have a rush of thoughts in my head, i cant possibly relax. Sometimes i think that maybe something happened to me when i was little, thats why i'm so scared of guys now, but i cant remember anything. maybe it's something unconscious. i really wanna get married one day, have a healthy relationship, also a sexual one, but how am i supposed to do it???
Does anyone have an idea what i'm talking about? did anyone have similar experiences? does anyone know how to overcome this damn thing?
please let me know if you do
thanks

[Chris V]

People couldn't for the life of them understand why I didn't want a girlfriend during my anxiety years. It was weird like "You have to re-produce, why aren't you", a sort of pressure from family & society. I just wanted to sleep on my own. Not one person I knew realised that I didn't actually want a girlfriend, some people thought that I was unhappy because I didn't have a girlfriend, but they didn't realise that I would have been even more anxious & unhappy if I did have a girlfriend.

Do you really want to get married (sorry to ask)? I still remember talking with my friends when I was 21-years-old (when I didn't have anxiety). I said I don't want to be on my own for the rest of my life because I couldn't get a permanent girlfriend. They reassured me saying 'You're more likely to get married than any of us.', which was nice & reassuring at the time, but now I don't want to get married - or have a relationship -, but I'm the same person, what's that all about?

[AnnaSydney]

A few years ago i didnt wanna get married or even have a boyfriend even if my life dependent on it. But it wasnt any kind of anxiety. I was just very independent and i didnt like the idea of for instance, making sure you look half decent on sunday morning because your boyfriend is coming soon. I now grew up, got a bit more mature and i really want some security with someone else. I do wanna get married and have a family eventually. My own house, stable place to live. And be happy with my husband.

[chris189]

I can sympathize, I have philemaphobia (kissing phobia). I have decided that I would feel more comfortable overcoming my phobia if I could find someone with the same phobia. I found one girl online but she couldn't go through with it and chickened out before our date. Maybe if you found someone who was understanding enough and went into this with the intention of helping you overcome this phobia. I gotten better with mine using baby steps, maybe you could do the same. If you had some one you could trust to help you with this you could try just sleeping together naked or just cuddling naked all night. Take it as far as you can without freaking out and stop there and get used to that and maybe next time try just a little more until you can go all the way. The problem being is finding someone you can trust and feel comfortable talking to about this. Also examine why you feel the way you do and why you feel that way. For example my phobia comes from years ago when I was 14, it was my first kiss and the girl made fun of me, completely destroyed me. Now I always feel that I don't know how to kiss and am always afraid a girl will make fun of my kissing. I've had times where I met a girl and she tried to kiss me and I was COMPLETELY paralyzed with fear, couldn't move or say a word. GOOD LUCK!

[RachelStevensFan]

Ive not had a girlfriend for yrs because of anxiety and agrophobia and so ive not had my 1st time yet but im dreading it.