[Romeo187]

Ok, so long story cut VERY VERY short. I'm 23, my girly is 19, and suffers badly from anxiety/low self esteem/stress, and has since ive known her, now, shes trying hard to get over it, but, she gets into some nasty dark places at times..

Ive read alot on this site, which has helped me alot, but it seems like, whenever things get bad for her in her head, like, stressing about uni, getting a place, and whatever else... she can only see negative thoughts... and that raises problems since we are ni a long distance relationship etc..

Today marks the second time she has told me she 'just wants to be friends' last time she regretted it, and we made up, and everything was great, we were much more understanding etc, but im not sure if i can do it again...

I try to understand things, like what shes going through, but, if she is gonna give up on US all the time, cos she is stressed/confused its hard as hell...

ofc, there is the possibility that maybe she just doesnt love me atall etc... but, hell, im an optimist, and i believe what we have is worth fighting for.. shes done this before, and regretted it, and i just, i dont think _I_ can take it again, so is there anything i can do? any tips/tricks to stop her from going to this darkest of places when things get a little too overwhelming..

Also, the linden method, anyone got hands on with it? (i read the review and it seemed very... 'posted by a linden person') as we were going to try that out..

She is currently in therapy, and reading several books about things, and the last week we spent together, she really did seem to be getting better... she really did, but since she flew back (england > sweden) its like she just went back to massive stress/anxiety world... and now it seems shes reached the conclusion that she wants to slow down with me (by slow down she seems to mean break up.) and find herself... and tbh, i get taht i do..

But, in finding herself, surely having a rod of support is a GOOD thing? since finding sites like this, ive been able to understand and have bent over backwards to make her happy, and it was working...

Perhaps somebody can help me understand whats going on in her head... Ive done nothing but love her, care for her, and try to understand.. and i thought she knew that... so it makes no sense this choice.. slowing down is fine, if she needs time to find herself thats fine, i mean, we are long distance for now anyway, so she pretty much has all the time she needs...

I just dont understand where her head is at... it seems like she is giving up, i even tried to tell her how much i noticed she was changing etc in the last week or so, and i just got negative replies about how she couldnt see it etc..

I dont quite know what im asking for, perhaps some help from somebody who has a partner who has said/done similar? or from a sufferer who has done it etc..

I want to understand, i want to be better for her, i just know that walking away from this, is gonna hurt us both, and do neither of us any good, but when she's in this heavy negative mood, there is nothing i can do about it it seems.
:<

guess it wasnt that short afterall..

[magpie]

Hi Romeo187,
I am sorry to hear that your girlfriend is having such a rough time at the moment, but she is very lucky to have someone who cares about her so much.
When you mentioned reading the Linden Review were you referring to my Linden Blog? If so I can assure you that I am in no way a 'Linden Person'. I found this site during one of my darkest days and was so sceptical of the linden method that it was another 8 months before I exhausted all other possibilities and eventually bought the program.
At the time of writing the blog I had no way of telling whether it was going to work or not, and I was trying to give a fair and honest account of my experiences following the method. People respond differently to the various therapies and treatments available and I think it is important to keep trying until something is found that works. I cannot possibly say whether the linden method is right for your girlfriend, all I can say is that it worked for me and for that I am incredibly grateful.
Again, I cannot possibly claim that I know what is going on inside your girlfriend's mind, but you asked for help understanding how an anxious person thinks so I'll give it a go based on my personal experiences with anxiety. Part of human nature is to make mistakes, for a 'normal' non anxious person that can result in feeling a bit embarrassed, temporarily awkward, frustrated, cross etc. An anxious person imagines the worst possible outcome and becomes convinced that it is the only possible outcome. An anxious person can also become so self critical that they start to believe that everything they do is littered with mistakes, even if none were actually made. For example, driving along in a car you pass a set of traffic lights (on green), five minutes down the road you suddenly can't remember if the lights you passed were actually on green. If you can't remember them being green they must have been red and you conclude you have jumped the lights. If that isn't bad enough, if they were red, then someone could have been on the pedestrian crossing, and you might have hit them and not stopped, that means the police will be involved and you are going to lose your license... unless the person dies, then it's manslaughter and you will be going to prison. Of course then you have to leave your children to grow up without a parent... and in the space of a few minutes your life is no longer worth living and you have wrecked the lives of everyone around you.
That was one of my first panic attacks.
After a few episodes like this it can become easier to shut yourself away from the world to protect yourself and the people you care about from 'your mistakes'.
With a bit of luck, this helps, and I hope your girlfriend finds a treatment that works for her and that you both find some happiness.

[Romeo187]

Thanks for the reply magpie, and thanks for the insight, it helps a little, the thought process etc, of how its like, a snowball rolling down a hill etc... i hadnt thought of it in that way before..

I'm currently trying to save up for the Linden Method, as i now believe it really could help change things for her, however being unemployed (damn recession) makes that awkward as i have to eat too!! But ill do everything in my power to make sure she gets the help she needs.

(just to note, we arent 'together' anymore, as she said once again, she has lost her feelings for me, but that doesnt change the fact that shes my best friend, and she needs my help)