[Kathryn Murphy]

hey, I know what Chris is trying to say and I understand everyones point. When I was a student, living alone in a bedsit, I was stalked for what seemed a very long period of time. I was terrifed. Slep with knives under my pillow- couldnt sleep for feeling scared. I was followed day and night ( I think - cant be sure) Just think I was due to the facts that this person would beang on my window as soon as I was home. Hed always do it when it was dark, I have bad eyesight and could never get a good look.

It got to a stage where I was too scared to leave that horrible skanky room. ( And pls beleieve me it was disgusting) I was paying this awful landlord too much money to sleep on something that you couldnt even describe as a bed.

The drains stank too. that smell always brings it back.

It is ten years on since, something worse happened. I did contact the police. They were useless. In the end I moved out, and in with a friend.

Each time, around Atumn to X mas I re live the whole thing. But wiith my difficulties at home just now( it seems worse than ever ) Ive spoken to many people about it. the fear does not go away. Id rather not go outside.

I dont think I am attractive, more the opposite. I think I loook feeble making me more vulnerable to people who have something wrong with them. Sometimes I get angry/cant eat/cant sleep /cant do anything.

When I felt close to my partner, I was much better. I did think about it, I did go back. I tried to discuss things with him .. But now he has used it almost as a mechanism to get at me. It make s me feel so sick. Anyway, thats the bulk of my story.

I know people who have ben through so much worse, but I cant escape it. What is wrong with me? Am I going crazy?