The Feeling of Unreality

Hello my name is scott, and about 7 years ago i was hanging out with some friends. as a teenager i was stupid. i smoked some marijuana from a bong and from that day on i started feeling like nothing was real. Like i was dreaming and everyone was fake. I began looking for the reasons for this. i came a cross a few good pages but still bacause of the feelings i get i feel like its not it. i heard that there is something in marijuana that makes your brain feel this way but it goes away the next day. but its been 7 years now. is it something in my head that im just thinkning to hard about therefore it happends? or did i mess something up? i mean, i read about alot of anxiety and deppression articles like the one on this page about the DEREALIZATION and DEPERSONALIZATION and it kinda fits what i feel. Anyone else in my shoes?

hi scottr

yes i have experienced depersonalisation and derealisation since i was about 12 years old. it is very frightening when it happens and i can have this feeling for days at a time. i have heard though that depersonalisation and derealisation can not exist without anxiety being an underlying cause. therefore something weather you know it or not must be bothering you. i thought there was something wrong with my head etc but ive been diagnosed with anxiety and am currently on citalopram which as helped me a lot (toochwood). im also waiting for CBT. have you talked with anyone about this like a doctor, because it would help a lot if you understood about what you are experiencing and could even put some of your worries to rest.

good luck and take care
kitkat

well kat, i recently stoped taking Paxil due to the dangers of of the perscreption. but when i did go to the docters office for treatment i only could tell them what thought i had, and that was anxiety because i i know i have that. But i get scared thinking that im gonna tell hiim the wrong thing and ill be put on some other drug that isnt right. i dotn know. i feel that there is something more to this. like there is a reason that i have this door in my head open that i cannot close.

thanks for the response.

i can understand that you are worried you will say something wrong. When all this anxiety started with me i was scared of saying anything because i thought my doctor would think i was mad ,but that is because of all the sarcastic comments people make about others when they dont understand anxiety. When i was at my worst i couldnt accept that i had anxiety i was worrying 24/7 about having a serious illness that would make me feel the way i did, in my head ive had everything from a brain tumor to leukimia.
the thing with anxiety is it never gave me a rest from worrying and that give me symptoms and that caused more worry.
the best bit of advice i can give you is go to your doctor and dont hold back in what you want to say, this is what i did and i felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, dont worry doctors will have heard a story like yours (mine) a 1000 times before and then you can get the help you need

take care
kitkat

Firstly hi im 25 male and i have been free from smoking weed or taking illegal drugs for 4 years, but can defatly relate to this. In college all mates done weed smoked hash and then started smoking it was in an another planet all night and in the day waking up fried looking like shit with spots, feeling like nothing was real and nothing said was real either. Derealization was kicking in and paranoia beyond belief. Then went to amsterdam white widow northen lights skunk strong stuff and it blew our mind then done extacsy, which made us feel like dying on a come down. The problem is with weed the chemical bonded crystals which give u the kick and high do mess with the brain they can make your lose memory and make u very paranoid thinking stuff that dont exsist. Deal with this every day am very paranoid and suspicious now due to effects of smoking sure and drinking. Like alcohole it stimulates u and can make u feel emphathy with others and feel like u belong but its not your true nature. Dont relate to and try to give it up if possible.

Dylan roberts

yea, i dotn smoke weed drink or even smoke cigarettes anymore. ever since that night i have been basicaly scared of everything. im married with 2 kids now and thats what maked me happy. it helps me alot to have people around me that love me and that i can love. marijuana is gone and i havent touched it since that day 7 years ago. drinking is just out in the firstplace cause its nasty. but i really do appreciate all the help. people like us need to stick together cause we are the only ones that know how this stuff feels. and its scary.

hi scottr

its true that unless you experience anxiety you cant understand it, thats why people are so ignorant towards "mental health problems"
i hope by coming on this site you can lay some of your worries to rest, its really helped me over the past few months since i joined

take care
kitkat

I used to experience derealisation & depersonalisation but I don't anymore. It was nasty. Feel free to E-mail me on christopher.vivian@talk21.com & I'll tell you how I managed to overcome it. It is possible, believe me.

all of these feelings to me are kinda strange due to the fact that not to long ago i started believeing in aliens. well, not in the sense that i was thinking that i have been abducted or anything but in the sense that i now believe that all of this could have something to do with them. Cause if you think about it (if your an alien believer) if they are real then what stops them from studing us in the fasion of using our brain to study? I dont know, its far feched but you never know. But like i had said before, i feel that there is a door open in my head and it feels like something that is so noticeable to me that its just messing with me. Hope non of you think im weird or anything because im not, but im not normal either. Just one of those things to think about.

aw, that sucks, scott. i know how you feel though. i know i've read that there are drug-induced psychosises (i have no idea how to pluralize that, sorry) but i doubt it's that extreme. you should talk to your doctor about it. if you're worried about him putting you on some random drug, you can always refuse to take it if he tries to prescribe you something, or discuss your concerns with him.

i wish i could help you with your actual problem. i know completely what you're saying, i just don't know if i've ever experienced it. i often randomly feel like a separate being. like my body is one thing, and i'm looking out through two holes and i don't feel like a real person, and no one feels real at all. i'm not sure if it's the same thing, but i do understand how much it sucks to experience things like that. i hope you can talk to your doctor about this and maybe he can help you figure out a solution.

you can private message me if you ever need to talk!

Hi

That's the problem with beliefs: they are only challenged or reinforced by our own perception of our own experiences. The more a belief becomes ingrained, the more open you are to a corresponding suggestion that will reinforce it. This is how anxiety and phobias perpetuate themselves in our minds.

You could argue that your belief about aliens is no more ridiculous than the idea that there is a god watching over us and judging us on our sins - 2 billion Christians worldwide believe that and many of them make it the basis of their existence. Not one of them would change their beliefs if someone said to them 'there is no such thing as god'.

The problem lies in an area of our mind called the 'critical factor', which is a set of rules that we use to unconsciously decide whether a suggestion should be dismissed or allowed into our subconscious mind. The rules on which this critical factor operates are formed by our own individual life experiences and it can be very difficult to change these rules with our conscious thoughts.

I suffer from health anxiety and I have done for eight years. If you were to ask me if I really think there is something seriously wrong with my health, I would have to answer 'no' but this doesn't stop me believing in my subconscious that I'm dying a lot of the time and becoming anxious. I read a lot of posts from people who are convinced that their heart is defective, despite having had ECGs and scans - in these cases, even hard, scientific proof isn't enough to challenge their beliefs. The same could be said for someone who has a phobia of flying: they know in their conscious mind that the risks are minimal but their subconscious beliefs are always saying 'yeah but what if...'.

Anxiety can do strange things to your mind. You spend a lot of your time in a state of conflict between conscious rationalised thoughts and subconscious irrational beliefs and this can lead to self-doubt and internalised frustration - and in turn to feelings that you are going completely mad. You may find that you spend a whole day worrying about something that a 'normal' person wouldn't even notice.

Anyway, I'm waffling now. I don't know if this has helped at all but I wish you the very best of luck. PM me if you ever need to talk.

Best wishes

Chris

After reading about the experiences here, i can confidently say i know how you feel.

When i was 16, after 2 years of smoking dope, i smoked some black hash with some friends. I knew i'd had enough, but they kept saying, "never say no to a bong", so, stupidly, i smoked some more. I remember blacking out and then awakening to a strange sensation, another dimension or 'zone' and even though i could see and hear all the people on the other side of the room, i felt seperate to them, like they were strangers. I also felt like the room i was in was detached from the earth and that we were floating in the cosmos somewhere. I instantaneously felt like i was 'tripping', and remember repeating those words to myself. It was scarey and i felt like i wanted to run from it, only i couldn't because it was all in my head.

About 1/2 later, we all walked up to the shop. On the way back, i felt like i was coming out of my body. This was horrifying to me as well. I ended up having to lie down for a few hours and people kept coming to the room to see if i was alright.

Sometimes, after that fateful day, when i got drunk, i would experience the same type of panic, like a loss of control and would immediately stop drinking. I then feared alcohol. Stupidly, i kept on smoking dope and even took acid after that day, and experienced quite a few similiar situations.

I begun to develop phobias, namely, claustrophobia - the fear of enclosed spaces. This started to impact on my life.

Throughout my life, the claustrophobia has lessened and worsened at different periods. For example, when i broke up from a significant relationship, it worsened to the point where i could hardly leave the house and i felt like i was in a constant state of a panic attack. Sadly enough, if i had have had a gun at that stage, i would have blown my head off - not for fear of living, but for fear of constantly and forever experiencing that depersonalising fear and the sensation of going 'insane'. It even got the stage where i couldn't get on a bus because i felt so claustrophobic on it.

Now, i am scared of elevators and God help me get on a plane! I have recently had to face that fear as i had the first non-substance induced panic attack in over 10 years last weekend. I thought i was going insane, i wanted to run but realised that running wouldn't help, i felt a total loss of self and felt like the bottom was falling out of my world. For some reason, i made a promise to myself to not subjegate myself to the things i had been putting myself through lately, and it seemed to ease up a little. For the first time in a long time, i decided to ride it out because i was curious to see what was on the other side. In fact, i even tried to have another one later that day, because i wanted to explore it without distracting myself... i wanted to see the cause (i felt like by having one, perhaps i could meet my demon and forever make peace with him or her)...

Now, i just get depressed when i think about my anxiety and the situations that bring on anxiety attacks. I have to travel in a lift tomorrow and am terrified of it... It is not the feeling of being trapped that scares me (well, it is a bit), but the fear of fear, that i will have to live through that almost total depersonalisation once more and experience those horrible thoughts.

I have decided to face my anxiety in small steps, but what i have to go through tomorrow is a big step, one that i am not quite prepared for, but one that i have to do because i have money invested in a venture and if i don't go, the venture won't go ahead and i will lose my money (to cut a long story short).

The problem with me is that when it comes to facing my fears, i take the 'flight' approach and run. The other thing i have noticed is that the situation is not as bad as you think when you are in it.

Anyhow, i just wanted to let you know that i have felt depersonalised too and that i too have thought that something 'switched' off or on in my brain and that i can't turn it back.

It is good to know what the depersonalisation does infact exist. I had heard about it, but somehow had convinced myself that my experience was different and that i was going insane.

This feeling of derealisation & depersonalisation sounds like your frontal lobe isn't getting good stimulation. Sinus pressure, lack of exercise, and exausted adrenal glands can all be the cause of this unwanted phenomena. It's actually quite normal and can be treated. Increasing exercise, vitamin intake, nutrition and cutting back on stimulants i.e. caffeine, cigarettes are all major ways to correct this horrible sensation or lack of. Think possitive because it is a physical problem and in time will correct itself. Go for runs or go to the gym for 15 - 20 minutes to pump some oxygen to your brain to wake it up. Eat lots of iron, folate and b12 rich foods or take a multi-vitamin everyday with lunch. Take omega-3 fatty acids to promote your blood flow so you will feel ready more often to exercise. Buy magazines that have life changing stories that parallel yours. Good Luck