Please help me!!!

ive benn getting these thoughts in my had and i dont like them, thery are mostly of a sexual nature like doing things with my brother or pictures i my head of family members having sex. also things sexually from my past come into my head and i feel so guilty that i feel i have to tell someone. its really depressing me and i cry and cry i want it to go away. i have nobody to talk to. i go to church and ask for help i just dont know please someone help me and tell me this is normal i feel like a freak.

Hi,

You might find your thoughts are obsessive, because you get the ideas and you don't agree with them. This is a judgement you give to a part of your being, where you put a negative label on one of the aspects that make the current you. This is also what you mainly feel bad about: You labeled it as UNWANTED and yet it COMES. That combination makes that everytime it happens, you feel BAD about it. And because you still think them after you felt bad about it, you feel GUILTY on top, which is making u feel even WORSE.

This does not help you.

Now I can understand that this can be very upsetting. Yet, given a reasonable age, everyone you do picture in a sexual setting, probably also really has sex now or will later in life. If I see my dad, I don't immediately picture him having sex maybe unlike you, but it's also common knowledge that he has had sex.

The same goes for almost everyone else you see or meet, and people KNOW that, yet it's not usually being discussed. (Taboo)

Although we know most people wear underwear, we are not gonna ask them about what kind they are wearing. Yet we do also know that most people have breakfast, and we would be a LOT less hesistant and troubled with asking about what they had for breakfast. It is culturally defined, and sex is still, yes, a taboo. Same as that discussing certain feelings are taboo or unwanted, for again many reasons. People are just not comfortable showing their emotions, feelings, deepest wishes and longings, and deepest dislikes.

So I am saying, are your thoughts REALLY that bad? Or is it because you think people find them that, and did you start thinking that way too because of what they think?

Sex is a primal element of life, and almost everyone does it.


You have thoughts of, let's say the word, incestuous sex. This is adding to your burden, because most people would probably find this absolutely unheard of. I am not saying it should be encouraged, but the topic has been made a total no-go area, much more than is needed. It's just good to know that it's probably best to not create any genetic successors that way, as it creates weaknesses in the race.

In short I am saying you feel this as a MUCH bigger problem than it is to not really control your thoughts, by judging NEGATIVELY on how you find you are, just because other people told you the stuff you think about is bad. And feel guilty on top.

Now forget about these negative labels u put. Think about this: Do my thoughts, my ideas or fantasies, KEEP me from what I actually want to do with my day? Can I do those things that I want to do, or can't I concentrate and am I constantly distracted? (If YES, are you distracted because you judge upon those thoughts negatively, then it's again a negative label and we would forget about those for now).

I think that even if you feel you cannot control the thoughts, you are distracted by them because a lot more because you find WHAT you think about is bad, more than THAT you think it.

You will make it a lot easier on yourself if you just accept that it is there.
Then you would have a lot of burden less to worry about, and you can start focusing on the real problem, that is if you still find it one then.

If in any way you find it helpful, you can always contact me. I think all info is in the buttons below this message.

i was about to write a reply to this and then i read what you have replied with peter. Great reply thanks for that, it really is on the money!

x

Yes thanks, I saw Charles himself here the last weeks, it's great he's so accessible and yet has so many things to attend to. Hope he can keep that up, also when the anxiety elimination venture grows even bigger.

What's the expression "on the money" mean? I'm not natively English.

You teach me English and I'll post replies here ;)

Greetings, Peter.

it is great that charles is so accessable. He really has put a lot of effort into this forum without anyone even asking so good for him.

On the money just meas that you are exactly right!

Thoughts that are sexual or agressive in nature are 100% normal in anxiety disorders. They are especially worrying when the focus is on a family member BUT, I had them too and I can tell you for certain that they are just the manifestation of a highly creative and anxious mind. Like all anxiety thinking, these thoughts develop because the brain looks for the 'worst case scenario'... so, what's the worst sex you can have? Sex with a relative. It's challenging your brain to push 'what if' thinking to the edxtreme. It's horrible but normal! Stop worrying and get active!

This will go away, you just need to remove the core of the anxiety.

Charles