Falling Apart (bit long winded)

Hi there
Having suffered minor anxiety attacks for a few years (partly owing to a dependency on cannabis for the past 5) I have quit that 3 weeks ago and now find my anxiety is getting out of control. I had my first really severe attack earlier today lasting over 2 hours and having me seriously contemplating suicide just to make it stop and I know thats not the answer. I started taking prozac a few days ago and I can't help feeling that this might be resposible. Has anyone else suffered like this? I am seriously worried for myself and for my children as I dont want them to see me in that sort of state. I called my doc and her answer was to dump me on diazepam to try and relieve it but I dont feel a lot different. It just seems so ironic that having got myself clean, and cleared the worst of the withdrawal symptoms I find that I am having to take more and more drugs on prescription to combat it. I'm so scared about the future for me and I cant see a way through anymore when there was a light at the end of the tunnel a few days ago.
I just dont know what to do so any help and suggestions would be greatly received.
Thanks for reading this
Pasiphae xx:(

Have you tried St John's Wort? It takes the edge off. Also demand your doctor refers you for treatment. In the meantime it might make sense to take the benzos for relief - don't mix them with St John's Wort unless the the doc says it's ok.

Nick

hi pasiphae,

im on my first week of prozac and im right out of myself, feels like im watching life thru a lens or something. i was going to chuck it but have been advised that this phase goes after a couple of weeks. the doc gave me valium too and i just took one a minute ago cos i was seriously contemplating getting drunk but i know thats only temporary relief.

you've made it this far and done well to come off the hash so hang in there another wee while and things should look up soon mate.

take care

graham

Well today I have not had a major attack....just had one constant minor 1 all day. Am going to see the doc tomorrow and tell her everything but I have to be honest that I hope she'll decide to take me of the prozac. I don't want to be on it. I'm so scared that I'm going mad but I know I'm not. Ican't take much more of this crap feeling. I'm so shaky, and panicky that all I want to do is curl up and hide away till its all over but I know it won't be over till I stand up for myself. I have been looking at the Linden method for inspiration and I think I might give it a go cos what have I got to lose? Am trying to keep myself calm but seem to be failing abysmally and I cant control it. My breathing is under control but my heart rate is going mad. Right now I feel like I want to die. Am I ever going to get better?
I dont want this anymore...I just want to be a normal human being with normal emotions.:confused: :(
Pas x

Hi chaps

I've always found that anti-depressants leave me feeling like a zombie, that's why I won't take them - there's no point getting rid of the panic if it means getting rid of your feelings too.

Pasiphea, I know what you mean about normal emotions because all my emotions seem to translate into panic: no joy, no excitement, no sadness, just varying levels of panic. One thing I did try a couple of weeks ago was to take some time to try and feel some different emotions. I started to ask myself how I actually felt about things and it did make me feel a bit better.

When you feel like your heart is racing, do you keep checking your pulse? This is the worst, and probably the most useless thing you can do. It doesn't reassure you, it just keeps your mind on your heart-rate.

Good luck
Chris

Right well I went to see the doc today and she decided that Prozac is obviously not the right choice of drug for me (I wonder what gave it away) so I am now going to start taking Venlafaxine (Effexor) as it worked for me previously and is better indicated in use for anxiety as well as depression. Still got the diazepam to take as and when but have only needed to take 2mg so far today so thats good. Gotta wait a day or two for the last of the prozac to clear my system then I can start the new drugs. Feeling a little more positive today now because I know these have worked in the past so hopefully they'll help again this time without me reacting quite so violently.
Thank you again for you caring replies
Love 'n' Hugs to all
Pas xx

Right well I started the venlafaxine...and I'm coming straight back off it. I've had exactly the same reaction as I did the prozac and even though I know its psycological I cant be doing with it. I dont feel human...I just feel like a drugged up freak which is what I wanted to get away from in the first place when I came off the pot. I have decided that there will be no more chemicals (other than nicotine) going into my bloodstream, I'm going to try the natural approach with St Johns wort, councilling, hypnotherapy, acupuncture anything natural but not chemical. I cannot function as a mother like this. Have spent all last night having panic attacks, barely made it to taking my daughter to pre-school today cos all I could think was "I've gotta get home where I'm safe". I have never felt like this before even with severe post-natal depression. I know my problems are not a bad as some of you guys have but for me this is hell. I used to be a happy reasonably outgoing person and now I just feel like an empty shell. I have my first proper councilling session in 2 weeks time with the psycotherapist attacted to the drug service and I just want to make it that far. At the moment I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again. I cant control anything I'm feeling and yet on Thursday and Friday when I was clear of the prozac and the diazapam I was fine...even managed to do some housework which for me is unusual and now I'm back at square 1.
If any of you can offer advice on natural/alternative treatments that have worked for you I'd be really pleased to hear them. Have taken 4mg of diazapam (cos its all I'm allowed) today and am just waiting for them to kick in so I can hopefully get some shut-eye. I just feel so crap.
Sorry I've rambled on again but needed to get it all out of my system for a few minutes. Thanks for reading and like I say all advice greatfully received.
Love 'n' Hugs
Pas xxx:( :confused: :mad:

Pasiphae
I hope you are feeling better by the time you read this. I have not been addicted to pot or anything like that, but I've had attacks similar to you and can understand how you feel. I was on pain medication (Methadone and Neurotin), Prozac, Doxepin, Adderall, Provigil, Thyroid, and Hormones. I have been having horrible panic attacks over the last couple of months (I've had them for 20 years- but nothing close to what I've had recently). My children are also suffering. They had to call 911 when I wouldn't get off the kitchen floor and stop crying. I stopped taking the Prozac, Neurotin and Doxepin all at once and also felt suicidal. No one took me seriously, when I asked them to take me for help. I was told by my parents that I live to far, my boyfriend told me to do what I had to do and no friends were returning my calls. I finally got someone to take me seriously and just having someone help me get out of bed and cleaned up, some food in me and calling me every few hours. The dr. called me in some alprazolam and that helps take the edge off, but my mind wouldn't stop racing and kept having a hard time breathing. I did order the Linden Method and am about 1/2 through it. I do think it will help when I get it implemented (I keep being scared it won't work for me, but then I tell myself with that kind of thinking, it won't). I explained to my kids what I'm going through (they're 12, 13 and 19). I know they are scared for me. I have to go to work every day and put on a "mask" that everything's ok, but I'm so tired at the end of the day. Try not to think ahead more than a few minutes at a time. That's helping me. I finally slept ok last night for the first time in months...so be patient...I don't mean sleeping for days because of the problems we have...but actually sleeping like a normal person. I want so desperately to be "normal" also...I pray that will happen for both of us. I know I've rambled on, but if you saw me, you would never believe the shape I'm in on the inside...the outside looks pretty pulled together. We can and will get better, we have to help each other....not many people understand us.

Hello Pas,

That is exactly how I felt on venlafaxine~completely sedated. I came off them cold turkey and didn't discuss this with my doctor. Although, when I finally got a appointment with a therapist they agreed that I was better off the meds then on them. I do think alot clearer today.
This is just what worked for me and Im not saying to anyone that they should try it. It actually was a horrible experience, I was very ill for around a week and kept falling over and had to lean against the wall in order to stand up~and they say they are not addictive! It is better to discuss the situation with your doctor or therapist first.
Good luck for the future.
Raex

Sweetie the first thing you need to do is tell your doctor you are having thoughts like wanting to go to sleep and not wake up again. Thoughts of suicide. l personally don't think medication is going to work for you. If you had a dependancy on something before what good is going to do you to have to rely on another drug to get you through every day life? I have had panic attacks for 11 years now. I was to the point I couldn't be alone, EVER! I wasn't able to drive two blocks to my mom's house without losing it. Have been to the emergency numersous times. You are stronger than those damn attacks. It's all mind over matter. You have to KNOW you are STRONG enough to get through this. I am soo glad to hear you are seeking counseling. I , after 11 years, just started counceling myself about a month ago. It has done wonders for me. My doctors kept putting me on a different medicaiton every time I went in there. Nothing worked. Most made me feel worse. You will be in my prayers and if you ever need to talk or need anything please please let me know. I will do all I possible can to help you through this. Have faith!!!!
God Bless

Just wanted to say Thanks for your kind words guys...am feeling a lot more positive today. I went to see the doc yesterday and told her I don't want the meds and that I wanted to try alternative therapy and (shock horror) She was all for it!!!! Have done a lot of research into St John's Wort but am not too sure about that so thought I might try acupuncture because some of the research into that looks promising and although it will cost it's not going to cost me anymore than the weed was costing me each week!!!! I'm now nearly 4 weeks clean and the difference is really scary, despite the anxiety and down moments I am having far more clear headed thoughts about the future. I am phoning today about a local yoga class to go to with my best mate and I'm going to go back to line dancing which is something I havent been able to bring myself to do for years. My doc agrees that the side effects of the meds were far outweighing the long term benefits as before she put me on them them I had, in reality, quite a low base line depression score and that shot up with the side effects. Now they are out of my system I feel like I did before them....a bit low, a bit afraid but in reaonable control. I know I'm going to have good days and bad days but I am positive that the good will outnumber the bad before long. I have had some great support from a guy who created a website and support course for people giving up cannabis after he managed to do it himself and the general consenus is that it'll take about 6 weeks for everything to return to normal so I'm over half way there!!!!! I have even managed to provide some support to another guy who is only a week in to giving up which is wonderful for me as it has made me realise how far I have come in the last few weeks. Everyone keeps telling me how proud they are of me and I am finally starting to believe them and to be proud of myself. I know its a long way to go still but that light at the end of the tunnel is growing brighter by the day:) I have even started thinking about what I want out of my life in the next few months instead of just living hour by hour.
I'm getting there I know I am!
Thanks again for everything
Love 'n' hugs to you all
Pas xxx

Right well I'm now a month clean and have been on the rollercoaster ride from hell. Every morning I'm waking up with palpatations worrying over everything, totally irrationally. I thought I was depressed but am not so sure now. I'm kind of scared that I've done myself some permenant damage with the pot but I know logically that its not that. I have all this stuff going round and round in my head, none of it pleasant and I want it to stop. I have diazapam in the cupboard but dont want to take it as I'm scared I'll end up addicted to that and I don't have the strength to fight another addiction. I had my first session of acupuncture last wednesday which worked for a while but now I feel like I'm back at square one. I'm not having full blown panic attacks but they're enough to make me want to go to sleep for ever. I know I need help but I'm scared of the docs as I know they'll try and put me on pills I don't want so what can I do? I can't keep going like this I know that but where do I go from here, is it worth trying the Linden Method, can anyone recommend it? I need to stop this before I end up doing something I regret and I'm so scared that I'm going to end up losing everything...hubby, kids, and my life. I'm not too bad in the week because I know I have to get things done like taking the kids to school but come the weekends I feel like staying in bed all day and never surfacing. Hubby tries to understand but I don't think he really gets it. I've tried different hypno Cds but none seem to make a lasting difference, where do I go from here?
Please all advice is greatfully received as I feel like I'm all alone. I know some of you will be thinking that I brought this on myself by getting involved in the drugs in the first place, but those of you who don't think that way...please advise me.
Thank you
Pas xx:(

hi pasiphae
i would just like to say please dont be afraid of the doctor. i myself dont want to take medication for the same reason i think i might get addicted. i have been seeing my doctor for a while now and the last time i went she said i could try some medication but i explained i didnt think i was ready to try medication because i would be worrying too much about addiction and the side effects. so she agreed with me it isnt the right time. i would just like to say you dont have to do anything you dont want to do and im sure your doctor will understand.
As for the linden method ive watched the video and all i can say is if it does work its a miracle and if it did work why is there sill so many people living with this horrible thing called ANXIETY? :mad: i know myself that if i knew a way to get rid of anxiety i wouldnt want to cash in on anyones misery. im not saying dont buy the linden method this is just my point of view. i know the man behind the linden method as opened centers to help people with anxiety and ocd etc but still i think its wrong to charge people who are really desperate for help especially as he knows himself the effects that anxiety can have.
anyway im rambling on a bit now so ill leave it here :)
take care
kitkat

I don't know how strong your belief in god is but prayer changes things. Suicide is not the answer. Think of your beautiful children. Remeber what doesn't kill you makes you sronger.


You are in my prayers!