I need help before I lose everything

My panic attacks are getting so severe that I'm going to lose everything if I don't get a handle on them. I'm 40, a single mom of 3 boys. I went to intensive outpatient treatment a couple of years ago for this very thing, but what I learned isn't helping. I had a "breakdown" last week. My younger boys called 911 and had me taken to the hospital. I have gotten my 19 year old through rehab and every time he doesn't get his way, he threatens to relapse. (His father will not have anything to do with him). My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years is coming over to talk to me, but says he won't continue our relationship if this doesn't stop. When I'm not like this, things are perfect between us and I truly mean perfect. People tell me to let him go if he won't support me, but I have been left time after time for the same thing. If I go to inpatient treatment I'll lose my kids and my house and probably everything I own. I am so afraid of being abandoned again. I told him that I was raped at 17 and my younger sons' father abused me severely for 10 years. I have had to have an ostomy due to all the stress in my life and my health is suffering. I'm on methadone for pain and adderall to combat fatigue and he told me I have to stop taking any/all meds for him to stay with me. What do I do?

Hello

I can't advise you on your family issues but as far as your boyfriend goes, he obviously doesn't understand the gravity of your condition.

Imagine if you had a broken leg and he said "either walk on it or I'm leaving you"

Does he think you do it for a laugh? If you can't get him to understand how much of a problem it is for you then you're much better off without him. I know it's frightening to be on your own but this is not something you can just turn off and he has to appreciate that.

You might even feel less anxious if this threat wasn't hanging over you.

I wish you the best of luck
Chris

I do appreciate your advice. I will take into consideration how to handle this. I feel like if I can talk to others that have been in my situation, I might make better decisions. (like my group therapy I've had). I was doing so good for a while, and all of a sudden, everything is overwhelming me again. Thanks again.

Hi

It very often helps to know that you are not the only person suffering.

Believe me, I have had a shitty day (excuse my language) and I have been in bed since lunchtime having panic attacks and believing that I am dying from a heart-condition!

We are put on this earth to help each other out. That is a belief that I have managed to retain throughout all my bad experiences.

This may not be of any comfort but I was made bankrupt 2 years ago. I lost my house, my girlfriend, my job, my car, my furniture, my dog (who had been by my side for 13 years) and what little self-respect I had left. At the time I was having several panic attacks every day and I was terrified that I wouldn't cope, but I did. Life goes on.

Keep your chin up.
Chris

Pull up a chair; this is gonna be long.....

Panic attacks stopped everything in my life for a year, and I am now fully recovered. If you haven't tried them yet, I'd highly recommend any books by Dr. Claire Weekes. The most important thing I learned from her books (and the first step to my recovery) was her pointing out that a panic attack actually has 2 parts. (Most people think that they have only one.):

The first part is that sensation you get when the attack is first starting. The second part (and this is the part that ends up kicking everybody in the ass) occurs when a person feels Part I, then panics, thinking, "Oh no! I'm having another attack!" thereby creating a great big rush of adrenaline, which in turn only fuels the attack and then inflates it into the nightmare that people associate with PAs.

If you feel the onset of an attack and don't fuel it with nervousness or extra adrenaline (basically treat it apathetically), it can't get worse, and it will disappear almost immediately. I understand that being apathetic during that time is MUCH easier said than done, but it's critical to remember that these things are neurological and thrive from additional nervous energy, so the less nervous energy they have to work with, the less impacting they are.

If you don't allow yourself to panic/get nervous when you feel one starting, an attack will come and go in seconds, and the most discomfort you'll feel is that slightly awkward feeling of one beginning, and then that's it. It suddenly disappears. It never grows into anything worse. Toward the end of my recovery, for instance, I'd start to have an attack, it would immediately go away, and minutes later, I'd be eating dinner with friends, as though nothing happened. That would have been impossible when I first suffered from PAs; the big difference was my not freaking out or getting nervous, and that was the key to getting my life back.

I had always thought that the horrible effects of a bad attack (extreme nausea, racing heartbeat, etc.) were caused by the attack itself, but that's completely wrong. My nervousness and panicky reactions caused those effects. Believe it or not, that slightly uncomfortable, "the attack is coming" feeling is actually the *complete attack*; only your nervousness will turn it into a ghastly nightmare. Being able to make that distinction is a huge help.

The other part that helped me was Weekes' explanation that a person can sometimes confuse other feelings for attacks. You might feel an uneasy feeling in your stomach, for instance, and think an attack is starting, when actually, you're just hungry, and your body mistakes the hunger/empty stomach feeling for an onset of an attack (and then of course, if you mistakenly think that it's an attack, and you get very nervous, you might cause a real attack to start, which really messes things up!)

Aside from that, I agree with Chris about your partner. Another factor that helped me to recover was the patience and understanding that my partner had during that time. I understand that things are completely perfect when you don't have the anxiety problems, but frankly, that's like saying that as long as you don't have any problems, the relationship is great...and that's not a relationship. I have friends who had to cope with their partners developing cancer, having been seriously injured when hit by a car, etc. and stood by their sides until they fully recovered. Love is about dealing with the good AND bad. If things are only perfect when you don't have serious problems, you're working with half a relationship. Get someone who will help you to recover, not someone who will desert you when you're down.

I can relate. When I hit 40, everything started going down hill.
Recenlty I have made great strides, because I am treating my self as if I have an ulcer. Doing a parasite cleanse, apple cider and aloe vera. Plus I added magnesium and vitamin b's. I am getting my energy back.
It seems the attack corresponded with my digestion. You might check into it. Once I felt like I could do something to controll the wave, the physical feelings of an onset, I felt better. It's not in your head, at our age, being women with kids, it gets tough.
Good luck I hope you get to feeling better.