Fed up with squabbling

Hi everyone

I'm really disappointed with what's been happening on here recently. This is supposed to be a help forum where people can come for advice and hopefully find some peace of mind. Why does there have to be all this unpleasantness?

Chris (Rabidbadger) - I can understand why you are angry but please don't let one person's unnecessary rudeness stop from you helping people who genuinely could benefit from your advice.

ChrisV - how you haven't been permanently banned from the forum for some of your posts, both recently and in the past, is beyond me. Brian Lamb is entitled to his opinion and Rabidbadger is entitled to his; there is no need to launch a personal attack.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and should be allowed to make up their own mind as to what treatment is best for them. Why can't we have friendly discussions and debates without resorting to name-calling and personal slurs?

We're all here for the same reason so let's try and help one another xxx

Nothing is over yet - everyone involved can reflect on what has gone down and look at their reactions and possibly see that there is another way to deal with all this.

THIS IS a help forum and the most helpful suggestion I can make is for love to be in charge - a great statement to make to yourself whenever you start to feel anger or frustration is "WHAT WOULD LOVE DO NOW" - say this to yourself, feel the calm it brings and listen within for the answers.

Love to all

Brian

Hi Squatbetty and Brian

You are both right.

What I posted was written on the spur of the moment after a particularly bad day.

I have deleted the offending posts and I retract what I said. I apologise to anyone whom I offended, especially Chris V.

Best wishes to you all.

Chris

Hi Chris

I respect you for coming on and saying that - hope you are ok x

The offending posts were made when I was drunk, & I had a pretty scary incident on Thursday evening after I'd been drinking. I'd managed to keep off the alcohol for a few days but I went out for a couple of pints on my own, and for some stupid reason I bought a half bottle of vodka on the way home, and after drinking some I'd decided that was it, I was going to kill myself. I actually live near a beach were I used to go a lot when I was younger and really happy, and was going to go there during the night and drown myself, which was the only way I could see to get the old days when I was really happy. I left a suicide note for my family and laid in bed to think a bit for a bit before I went out for a walk and did it (killed myself), but I fell asleep.

My family found the suicide note in the morning & that was it. Straight to the doctor, my dad had to get my prescription for diazapram & citlatropram because I was in no fit state to even queue at the chemist's, so no more drinking for me. It scared a bit so no more alcohol, or maybe the occasional pint. That post about me being rascist was only because I was drunk, I'm not rascist at all.

If I do write any more offensive posts, it's because I've been drinking. You're right Squatbetty, but I do regret what I posted when I'm sober. Sorry Rabidbadger, but that wasn't me at all.

I went out for a long walk last night (3 hours), yes I did have a pint but didn't buy vodka on the way home, & did some serious thinking.

I used to feel really guilty at times when I had anxiety. Going to the doctor to get meds to mask the anxiety symptoms, going to the pub in the evening to drink a couple of pints. But there are people in the third world who can't do that. Don't have a doctor to see & can't get meds, have to work much harder for less money, and have no chance of receiving disability allowance and not working if they have anxiety. So how do they cope?

They cope because they can't fuel their anxiety, so it doesn't last very long. So if you can fuel your anxiety, don't feel guilty, you have to make a real conscious effort to stop doing it. I don't have anxiety disorder anymore, but it lasted so long (7 years) because I had so many opportunites to fuel my anxiety eg. avoiding certain situations. Part of the problem is that it's human nature, if you don't have to do something, then you tend not to.

Saying you can't go somewhere or do something, or can't stop doing something is a negative. Pretend that you have to eg. stop checking your BP Louwho. And that's exactly how to make anxiety go away. But yes, it's scary, very scary, the whole effort in late 2006-early 2007 wiped me out completely, but it did get rid of my anxiety.

And yes, no meds, they just mask anxiety. And worrying about the side effects can cause anxiety in itself. Prescriptions cost money too, which can also cause anxiety. It's £7.10 now, what a rip-off. You have to bring anxiety to the forefront of your mind and deal with it. And that's scary.

But you have to think rationally too. One thing you shouldn't be afraid of is social embarrassment. It's not actually wrong and you can't get arrested for it. But I know that's easy for me to say, because I went through it in late 2006. I went into town once, but I didn't eat breakfast & fel nauseaus. I bought some Lucozade and laid down on a bench, shaking & sweating, and then threw up the Lucozade in front of people. I somehow staggerred to the bus stop and got home, and laid in bed for 2 hours shaking, and then threw up again.

One reason why I wanted to kill myself (and still do at times) is the feeling of intense isolation I had during anxiety (that goes away but still affects me). But I didn't kill myself when I had anxiety because I was more terrified of the afterlife than I was of this life. OK, so I sort of tried to once, before a Christmas. I just couldn't face it. I drank some cider on a beach & was going to drown myself. I walked into the water but stopped at knee height, I had some sort of mental block I think.

My dad said that I seemed to be happy being unhappy, and that's probably true. If I was rich, I would've probably bought a flat, and stayed in drinking & smoking & playing computer games on my own, and just gone to the supermarket once a week, & otherwise not seen anyone else, & I would've been happy to do that. Thing is, some people probably do that, & they feel guilty because they can, but I can honestly say that if you are one of those people who are reading this post, don't feel guilty, because if you hadn't had the opportunity to do that, then your anxiety would've probably gone away a long time ago.

Anyway, no more alcohol for me I was losing my mind, please forget my stupid posts, that wasn't me at all.

Hi ChrisV

I am genuinely sorry to hear you are going through such a bad time. Believe me I know what rock bottom feels like and wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I know you have mentioned in many of your posts about the Linden Method & how it really helped with your anxiety - have you ever had any face to face counselling?

It's funny you should say that. I went to my social club for a pint last night after a long walk and spoke to one of my friends about having a bad day, & I didn't realise that he was a nurse, & he mentioned conselling. I've got an appointment with the doctor on Tuesday & I'm going to get it arranged.

One thing I have been prescribed in Diazepram to help me relax. One thing I used to do at my social club was to drink maybe 2-3 pints to help me relax & feel temporarliy happier, & because of that no-one knew I had anxiety. Now, I've only been drinking coke or orangeade & maybe the odd half pint or glass of wine over the last 2 months, & people have commented on my change in behaviour.

I don't actually have anxiety disorder, but still feel anxious at times. When I go to the club I tend to pace around a bit because I don't drink, & can't sit down & read papers. Diazepram should sort that out. That's why I was feeling down. I see people relaxing & I couldn't do that without alcohol, unless I was at work when I had to stay at my desk.

One thing that frightened me a bit was when I had a week off work in 2004. My parents were away so I had the whole house to myself. I didn't eat anything, just cigarettes and alcohol for 9 days. When I was drunk I played the same scene over & over again of a film until the alchohol wore off, and then I paced around the house until I would go down to the shop & buy more alchohol, come back home and do the same thing. Looking back I didn't realise what was happening to me (I wish I'd learned about it before & I would've have known what to do), but my subconsious mind had taken control of my conscious mind & was making me behave the way I was, but obviously it's more complicated than that as the Linden Method explains. I should have consciously made an effort to wake up & eat 3 meals a day, not drink and go out for a walk and do constructive things, but it would have taken real effort to do that but it was easier to let my subconscious take over.

Yes, I am going to conselling. I'll keep you updated.

Hi ChrisV

I'm glad you decided against the suicide thing - it's never a good idea.

Chris

Hi Chris V

This is the place to off load, in what ever way ..... You will get through this - make the decision and stick with it, you are in control and all those on this forum and close to you are here to support and encourage you - stay with it, the moment you feel like giving in make contact and discuss it, get through it.

All the best with your counselling, look forward to hearing of your progress.

Brian