negative thinking outcomes and friendships

Gosh where do i start???!!!

Basically i have had social phobia for 10 years and am in my mid 20's.

I recently last year had the privaledge of meeting and getting close to someone for the first time in a long time.

This person showed me a whole new outlook on life and even helped me to be independent and do things like go interstate and fly a plane .. well beyond my thoughts i ever could have done.

We became very close and asa friend everything that could be done to help me was implented even if it meant being harsh and telling the truth - for example constructive criticsim.

Anyway.. my thing is that well with such insecurity and panic/anxiety in me i took the criticism as a feeder to a victim/insecure self hating attitude and also being a potential boyfriend and being very close and casual bedder ( if u get me)..

i went heywire with hormones and inferioty/jealousy over things because i felt i wasnt good enough in my mind because of all my faults that were pointed out and because of my situation and anxiety.

I actually kept wanting this friend as a security blanket and when he wasnt one again and again i got hurt and upset and used the criticism that i got and other stuff i thought i 'deserved' - ie expectations.. as a tool for negative thinking and ending up overreacting and hurting and hurting this person 10 folds more..

so much so that he even part of him wished he never met me- i became a constant worry to him and up and down everyday- even in distance.

I never was assertive either and held things in only to be totally different in email and even saying terrible things to others.. via a forum..

i dont know what came over me and he is having a big break from me.

i relise alot now that i have to build on my life and treat my friend a hell of alot better from being nice to myself..

to get a job and be happy would make him happy and me .. altho now i am very lonely and cant believe what i actually had done.
I fell inlove with this person and i have lst a whole heap of trust and value as a friend.

Im changing my outlook now and know that any negative thinking leaves a big mess and hurts not just yourself but others too.

Also the fear.. and thinking the worst .. it isnt worth that- dont make that come true- think good thoughts and be open to life- but be okay with yourself first.

Yep, have been there myself!
Apologized. No word for months. One day I got a surprise call, whether we could meet since he was in town.
True friends forgive you when they see you know you did them wrong and you are sorry. :)
We just must not expect other people to carry us, since we are damn heavy.
And we all can walk, we just need to find our feet! ;)

hi, yeah i know where youre at there. I developed severe anxiety/sociophobia back in august 2006 but i have managed to overcome it recently . It took allot of will power and determination! lol. There were times where i couldnt even imagine myself feeling comfortable going out for a meal with friends etc or going to the cinema but the only way i managed to overcome it was simply to KEEP DOING IT!

lol the first couple of times were pretty scary but it does get easier. using a 'mind distraction tool' such as holding an object in the palm of your and and playing with it etc really helped me. Even with going to the supermarket to get shopping, which normally i would not manage without feeling the need to puke or run away. lol.

Keep trying it will happen! I am now recovered completely and getting myself sorted out to go back to work . xxxx