cawth
23-08-06, 06:33 PM
Hi, I know this is long but if you have time then this is my story.
I have always been one of the most confident people I know, and have always been very much full of life humour and confidence in most situations. I am good at art, have lots of close friends and have been interested in drama and acting since I was about 8. It’s my life and comedy acting has always been the only thing I want to end up doing for a career but recently I have had some major life changing problems that have made me doubt everything about my life.
About two years ago, when I was 14 I went to my GP with what felt like cystitis, a common urine infection that makes you constantly feel like you need to go to the toilet. Cystitis should be easy to get rid of and normally goes away after a few days. Instead of giving me cystitis medication, the doctor(as they so often do)thought it a good idea to give me a number of different types of antibiotics. I soon realised that the medication was not making me better, but I was actually getting worse. I ended up having cystitis for months. It was hell. I couldn’t go out or go to school because of the cystitis, it was on my mind every second of the day. I couldn’t sleep and some times it got so bad I would sit on my own on my tiny bathroom floor and try and get even an hour of sleep, what made it worse was that due to the type of problem it was I didn’t want to tell any of my friends as I was young and embarrassed about it and I still don’t talk about it now.
After a while I had to get back out and try to do normal things but even a 3 minute car journey to my local town seemed like the most difficult thing in the world, As time went on it began to question the feelings of needing the toilet and stared to wonder whether the feelings were actually in my head but they felt so real I could never tell. I had to go back to school and even though I would tell myself the thoughts in my head were not real I started going to the toilet between every class and at every opportunity I had just in case I couldn’t get out. It was(and still is)the same in my every day life and I avoided as many social situations as possible as I could for fear of embarrassment.
I was seen by a number of different specialists who I feel let me down completely, had every procedure and test under the sun done. They always just brushed my problems under their carpets and told me there was nothing wrong with me,because they only ever focus on the medical, not the psychological problems.
It was only a few months ago that I started finding out about these types of phobias and social anxiety and found out that I could be seen by a psychologist, that my problems could be helped and that I am not actually alone(though I have never heard from anyone with the same phobia as me).This said, I still feel very much helpless and scared about stupid every day things,wonder “why me” and have very bad days where I confuse myself into thinking the feelings could be real. I still feel like any extra advice or info would help my strange situation a great deal. Thanks cawth xx
I have always been one of the most confident people I know, and have always been very much full of life humour and confidence in most situations. I am good at art, have lots of close friends and have been interested in drama and acting since I was about 8. It’s my life and comedy acting has always been the only thing I want to end up doing for a career but recently I have had some major life changing problems that have made me doubt everything about my life.
About two years ago, when I was 14 I went to my GP with what felt like cystitis, a common urine infection that makes you constantly feel like you need to go to the toilet. Cystitis should be easy to get rid of and normally goes away after a few days. Instead of giving me cystitis medication, the doctor(as they so often do)thought it a good idea to give me a number of different types of antibiotics. I soon realised that the medication was not making me better, but I was actually getting worse. I ended up having cystitis for months. It was hell. I couldn’t go out or go to school because of the cystitis, it was on my mind every second of the day. I couldn’t sleep and some times it got so bad I would sit on my own on my tiny bathroom floor and try and get even an hour of sleep, what made it worse was that due to the type of problem it was I didn’t want to tell any of my friends as I was young and embarrassed about it and I still don’t talk about it now.
After a while I had to get back out and try to do normal things but even a 3 minute car journey to my local town seemed like the most difficult thing in the world, As time went on it began to question the feelings of needing the toilet and stared to wonder whether the feelings were actually in my head but they felt so real I could never tell. I had to go back to school and even though I would tell myself the thoughts in my head were not real I started going to the toilet between every class and at every opportunity I had just in case I couldn’t get out. It was(and still is)the same in my every day life and I avoided as many social situations as possible as I could for fear of embarrassment.
I was seen by a number of different specialists who I feel let me down completely, had every procedure and test under the sun done. They always just brushed my problems under their carpets and told me there was nothing wrong with me,because they only ever focus on the medical, not the psychological problems.
It was only a few months ago that I started finding out about these types of phobias and social anxiety and found out that I could be seen by a psychologist, that my problems could be helped and that I am not actually alone(though I have never heard from anyone with the same phobia as me).This said, I still feel very much helpless and scared about stupid every day things,wonder “why me” and have very bad days where I confuse myself into thinking the feelings could be real. I still feel like any extra advice or info would help my strange situation a great deal. Thanks cawth xx
