Negative thinking.

As the title suggests, I have a bit of trouble controlling negative thoughts about myself.
I have attended counselling on and off for the past couple of years in an attempt to overcome social anxiety but I'm really disappointed with myself that I haven't used these opportunities to actually make any improvements to my condition. If anything I have become even more withdrawn from society now than ever. I have always felt like an outsider, no matter where I work and where I live I get the impression that people are wary of me as I act differently to normal people.
I have really low self esteem, I hate the way I am so shy around people, especially girls. If I happen to meet an attractive girl walking down the street I just can't make eye contact with her and I get very red. I am really unattractive and I'm struggling to accept this and just get on with my life.

Hi,
It is obvious that your negative thinking has taken over, so I'd like to suggest an idea that maybe will help you.
It is always hard to completely turn around and start thinking positively from one day to the next. Trust me I am still working on it. What I find is good to do is allocate a time everyday to think of a positive thought. If you want you could write it down in a diary or something. First mark down things you are grateful for in your life. If this seems hard it is ok if you think of ONLY one thing a day. That is a great start! Believe me as you continue to do this you will find this task becomes easier and easier. Soon you will be thinking more positively I'm sure.

Next I would suggest that you try to find a couselor that really works for you. It is sometimes hard to find the one that you can be really comfortable with but when you do you will be happy. I believe on again off again counselling is not that productive. Try following through with your sessions.

I hope I helped a little.

Could of wrote this post personally the exactly the same. The issues u have are so similar to what i have
You are shy join the club am very shy personally and private and retiring always have been. Making eye contact is very very hard and can relate to people being wary of u
That is how i feel every day am so agrophobic and live in scotland where about 2 per cent of the pop speak english which i am.
Feeling wary is suspicion and paranoia truth is do es anyone really give a **** it might feel like they do but most people are just caught up in their own worlds to care. If the waryness is so strong remind yourself that its just damn suspicion and paranoia or being overly sensitive.
Seems like u feel wronged by society like cant speak up because scared of the consequences that how it is for me.
Social discomfort seems an issue like if very panicky and anxious should remain calm and ride it out.
Mediatation works well and deep breathing like in for 4 out for 6 the progress to in for 6 and out for 9
Basically its in genetic make up to be shy, theres nothing wrong with it many people are its like a damn curse.
Anti depressants might help u am on venlafaxine 75 mg a day and not sure if they work, but they are hard to come off so cant push that. The other thing is beta blockers which help cut out the horrible irrating pulse of discomfort that gets triggered by things out your control.
Consult doctor first etc
Remember there are alot of things to be postive about
No matter how hard life seems and how **** things can become theres always some poor sod out there worse of then u.
Take it in small steps one day at a time and as far as self esteem goes and confidence what about exercise gym etc or home stuff that works wonders;)

There is nothing wrong with being different :)

Thanks for that advice mate, it's a relief to know that I'm not the only one with these thoughts although I wouldn't wish it on anyone. At times it definately feels like you are the only person feeling miserable and everyone else seems to be having a great time.
My previous counsellor identified that my problems arose from the bullying I received at school between the ages of 12 and 16. As a result I have become wary of everyone and reluctant to open up to people. Also I have become a people pleaser, trying to always keep people happy in an attempt to stop them picking on me. This is exhausting.

See why u feel like that but really its just that been targeted and made to feel powerless that is not right and its unfair
Trying to please people is impossible as cant please everyone so just try and not take things personally as will end up in a rut from exhaustion

I can understand exactly how you feel. I have a very low self esteem too. I always feel like I'm being judged, or I'm wearing the wrong clothes, or people are looking at me thinking "What a wierdo" etc etc. Problem is, once you start thinking these negative thoughts, they just start to take over and control your life. I don't think there is any quick cure, but just try and pay more attention to the things you are good at, whether playing an instrument, or something alike. Build on the things you are good at and use them to gain some self confidence. I don't know if that helps you...Best wishes, Dan

Also I have become a people pleaser, trying to always keep people happy in an attempt to stop them picking on me. This is exhausting.

...and it does not even make you more popular! :o A lesson I had to learn, and am at times still learning... it is too easy to fall back into old ways.

I found, that as soon as I told people to their face what I think of them and those they talk about (even if it means disagreeing!), I was actually accepted more. Important is only: don't be more aggressive than necessary, don't insult and allow others to express a different opinion.
People only have respect for you if you show you got backbone. Even if you only pretend you got backbone. ;)
A person who always agrees is considered to be most likely stupid and definitely boring.
There is no harm done in being wrong or disagreed with.

Did you ever try role-plays? It is a good way of practicing confrontation and getting discussion skills.

Make a fresh start on life, chances are people won't remember the way you were, wipe the slate clean on life. The past is crap, I know, but one thing I learnet for sure is that people have short memories about the way you have been (suprising) & won't hold it against you if you face the world. Remember, time, time is on your side.

Regain trust in people, anxiety tends to circle, but It's hard to talk to an anxiety-sufferer.

As the title suggests, I have a bit of trouble controlling negative thoughts about myself.
I have attended counselling on and off for the past couple of years in an attempt to overcome social anxiety but I'm really disappointed with myself that I haven't used these opportunities to actually make any improvements to my condition. If anything I have become even more withdrawn from society now than ever. I have always felt like an outsider, no matter where I work and where I live I get the impression that people are wary of me as I act differently to normal people.
I have really low self esteem, I hate the way I am so shy around people, especially girls. If I happen to meet an attractive girl walking down the street I just can't make eye contact with her and I get very red. I am really unattractive and I'm struggling to accept this and just get on with my life.

ok buddy negativity is like a glass of wine. if you fill it up with water constantly, the wine will flow out until it is completely gone. that is what you must do to conquer it.

1. wear a rubber band. everytime you think a negative thought snap the rubber band so it hurts a little. then repeat a positive affirmation, and ask yourself what are 3 good things about today, right now.
2. give people a compliment within the first minute of conversation with them.
3. get rid of the negative people in your life, and find positive ones.

you are always asking
you need to start asking yourself what opportunities could I take advantage now?

brb

As the title suggests, I have a bit of trouble controlling negative thoughts about myself.
I have attended counselling on and off for the past couple of years in an attempt to overcome social anxiety but I'm really disappointed with myself that I haven't used these opportunities to actually make any improvements to my condition. If anything I have become even more withdrawn from society now than ever. I have always felt like an outsider, no matter where I work and where I live I get the impression that people are wary of me as I act differently to normal people.
I have really low self esteem, I hate the way I am so shy around people, especially girls. If I happen to meet an attractive girl walking down the street I just can't make eye contact with her and I get very red. I am really unattractive and I'm struggling to accept this and just get on with my life.

ok buddy negativity is like a glass of wine. if you fill it up with water constantly, the wine will flow out until it is completely gone. that is what you must do to conquer it.

1. wear a rubber band. everytime you think a negative thought snap the rubber band so it hurts a little. then repeat a positive affirmation, and ask yourself what are 3 good things about today, right now.
2. give people a compliment within the first minute of conversation with them.
3. get rid of the negative people in your life, and find positive ones.

you are always asking
you need to start asking yourself what opportunities could I take advantage now?

brb

hey,
reading your original post i can make out that you have gone through some counseling. So u must be having some insight into your problems. Though i am not a expert on these matters but had faced a similar sort of situation in my life. I would like to suggest some books. Positive Imaging by Norman Vincent Peale, Creating Self Esteem by Lynda Field. (Or may be your counselor can suggest some good books). Though in my opinion at least give a try to Positive Imaging.
Hope it helps.

I think when you are feeling low in self-confidence, it can be like a mirror, you are wary of others, which in turn makes them seem wary of you. Except our brains do not understand what is happening, and assume people must be avoiding you because of a personal fault, be it looks or personality (or both). This just reaffirms our origional idea that we are an 'outcast'. In the end you only look for negative reactions from others, and fail to notice all the postive ones.

The good news is this mirror effect works the other way too. If you act confident around people, they will be more inclined to reciprocate and be more open and friendly to you also. The more you do this, the more it boosts your feelings of self esteem, until you are no longer just acting confident but feeling it too.

A lot of people naturaly fall into the former catagory of assuming the worst and having negative cognitions, yet it has been demonstrated time and time again (esspecialy by CBT, though this particular route does not work for everyone) that this thinking pattern can be disrupted and changed to a postive outlook. You need to find what best facilitates this change for you.

And most importantly of all, remember that everyone is special in thier own ways, people are attracted to all sorts of different looks and personalities. Instead of assuming people will percieve you in a bad light, go into social situations with an open mind, let people decide for themselves wether they get on with you or find you attractive (if they decide they don't, just write it off as thier loss). It sounds cliche, but when someone is comfortable with who they are and how they appear, it draws people to them.

It will be a tough journey, but it would be such a shame for you to deny all those prospective friends and lovers your company. So stick at the positive self-conception :]

(btw I am not just theorising, I have been through it myself, and yes I do have bad days now and again still, but that is human nature, the good days however are marvelous and well worth all the effort! Confidence has opened up a wealth of oppertunities to me that I would have never experienced if I remained the shrinking violet :] )

One of my positive thinking was 100% convincing myself that I was going to face the world and 'everything's going to be O.K.'. Of course, it's not definitely going to be O.K. 2 people younger than me died in a road smash yesterday morning in my city. It's hard, not to worry about the future.

Under normal circumstances and in a 'life coaching' scenario, where the client is NOT anxious, I would tackle negative thoghts wth life coaching devices, positive affirmations etc. But if a client has anxiety disorder, no amount of counselling or life coaching of that sort will help.

Anxiety, by its very nature, brings with it the negative emotion of fear. Fear causes 'what if' thoughts, fears of negative consequences and thoughts about death and ill health for example. Everything in the sufferers life becomes tinged with fear and negativity.

So, the problem isn't one of negative thought, it is one of how to eliminate the fear response which lurks beneath the surface and fuels the negative thought. Anxiety disorder is, in addition, massively frustrating for the sufferer, as you know. The constant search for answers, the changing symptoms and thoughts etc.... all creating negativity and sadness which leaches into every aspect of your life. I know this ebcause I have been there!

By eliminating your anxiety at its core, you can quickly become more positive, that is the key to recovery.

Take care.

Charles