Suffering PTSD, manic depression - substance abuse my secret

Need some advice... i am 39 years old and am currently seeing drs and shrinks re post traumatic stress. Problem, I'm too scared to tell them everything.... i have contemplated suicide and am pretty open to all of my practitioners but there's one thing i havent told anyone... I abuse medication. I store my prescriptions and also buy stuff on the blackmarket. Am scared to admit it - am scared of it; but they may take my medication away - what should I do? I read everything there is on bipolar, manic depression etc and i fit the description (runs in my family) but I am scared they will stop prescribing for me and i need my painkillers etc to cope with everyday life.... stuck between a rock and a hard place! i welcome sleep - its the only time my mind stops (it drives me crazy)... if they take away the drugs what will happen?

Anyone been here before?????

Uhm, Im not sure but you can go on buying the meds on the blackmarket even if they know youre abusing them.

Also, stopping meds cold turkey is not a good idea in any case, if you want to wean them off you will have to taper them over several months.

I dont know how much youre taking but painkillers are addictive and also withdrawing from them is difficult so you will have to taper very very slowly and cautiously.

Im not sure if docs or your docs particularily are aware that you must not stop taking the meds. If they are aware of the problem they will not stop prescribing them anyway but work out a slow taper plan for you.

Good luck.

By the way, what meds in particular are you abusing?
I mean what brand or generic names do they have?