Old_Anonymous_Members
31-05-05, 07:03 PM
Hi - My name is Rosie and I'm 34 years old (no kids - but 5 cats). I have had anxiety in my life for most of my life. I can remember being a little girl and just as nervous as can be and than boom I was fine (kind of like my whole life).
#1) I was 14 when I experienced my very first FULL BLOWN attack which lasted on and off for almost 2 years. I had seen a scary movie the night before with my girlfriends and that next morning I awoke about 4:30 a.m. unable to breath, dizzy, feeling like I was going crazy - I had to jump in bed with my parents and I told them that I was sick and I stayed home from school for almost 4 days complaining of flu symptoms when in reality I was scared to death to go to school and in all actuality to even leave my home. Well some how I gathered the strength to move on (without meds or help) I graduated went to sleepovers and even worked at McDonald's a few evenings a week.
#2) I was about 24 or 25 - divorced for a little over a year - living with a friend - going out and getting crazy every evening - attending EMT school and than BOOM - here I go again - I tried to deal with it on my own for a few weeks - but I have to say it was almost debilitating - I ended up moving back in with my dad (1 hour from my work) and it got so bad that I didn't leave my bedroom for almost 3 weeks and 30lbs lighter - I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't sit still, I could not even go in the back yard to hang wash without that "wonderful" feeling of floating, dizzy, heart racing, BLAH BLAH BLAH - well, finally a few months later I again composed myself enough to be able to live in the real world again and I did!!!!
#3) Here I am 34 and the last two weeks have just been awful - dizzy spells, I feel like I can faint, I absolutely do not want to leave my house (but I do - I have a job and a life to keep me going) I went walking with my sister as I have for months now and this a.m. was horrible - we walk about 2.5 miles around a golf course before work but only 1/4 way through - I wanted to run get back in my truck and head the heck home. Well, I'm a closet anxiety sufferer so I suffered through the rest mostly by pinching my back to somewhat take my mind off of it - I'm alive I didn't faint I know all this but I thought for sure that I kicked that little "anxiety monster" to the curb for the last time - but he's back and I will once again get him back to the street - but in the mean time I just want to sit and cry and actually throw a tamtrum because I'm back where I was before.
In between all these episodes I have been able to travel (I've been to most of the islands in the carribean) and with work I head out to San Diego twice a year. I have had my moments and I'm sure you all can relate where you get that nervous feeling back but It kind of stays in check so your fine. I have been on and off Xanax for the last 10 years - I even recently for about 5-6 months did not have to take any of my meds - well those days are gone for now.
I absolutely cannot drive on the interstate (I tell everyone that I'm scared of the trucks) but being truthful - I'm not scared or those trucks - I'm scared that I'll have an attack and not be able to get off until the next exit (sometimes 10 miles) FORGET IT!!!! I have to say in all the crap I've been through driving express ways will always be the ONE thing I will not do.
Well, sorry to be so long - but I'm very frustrated and hope to hell that this goes away pretty soon.
Take care and . . . Take Care!
Rosie
#1) I was 14 when I experienced my very first FULL BLOWN attack which lasted on and off for almost 2 years. I had seen a scary movie the night before with my girlfriends and that next morning I awoke about 4:30 a.m. unable to breath, dizzy, feeling like I was going crazy - I had to jump in bed with my parents and I told them that I was sick and I stayed home from school for almost 4 days complaining of flu symptoms when in reality I was scared to death to go to school and in all actuality to even leave my home. Well some how I gathered the strength to move on (without meds or help) I graduated went to sleepovers and even worked at McDonald's a few evenings a week.
#2) I was about 24 or 25 - divorced for a little over a year - living with a friend - going out and getting crazy every evening - attending EMT school and than BOOM - here I go again - I tried to deal with it on my own for a few weeks - but I have to say it was almost debilitating - I ended up moving back in with my dad (1 hour from my work) and it got so bad that I didn't leave my bedroom for almost 3 weeks and 30lbs lighter - I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't sit still, I could not even go in the back yard to hang wash without that "wonderful" feeling of floating, dizzy, heart racing, BLAH BLAH BLAH - well, finally a few months later I again composed myself enough to be able to live in the real world again and I did!!!!
#3) Here I am 34 and the last two weeks have just been awful - dizzy spells, I feel like I can faint, I absolutely do not want to leave my house (but I do - I have a job and a life to keep me going) I went walking with my sister as I have for months now and this a.m. was horrible - we walk about 2.5 miles around a golf course before work but only 1/4 way through - I wanted to run get back in my truck and head the heck home. Well, I'm a closet anxiety sufferer so I suffered through the rest mostly by pinching my back to somewhat take my mind off of it - I'm alive I didn't faint I know all this but I thought for sure that I kicked that little "anxiety monster" to the curb for the last time - but he's back and I will once again get him back to the street - but in the mean time I just want to sit and cry and actually throw a tamtrum because I'm back where I was before.
In between all these episodes I have been able to travel (I've been to most of the islands in the carribean) and with work I head out to San Diego twice a year. I have had my moments and I'm sure you all can relate where you get that nervous feeling back but It kind of stays in check so your fine. I have been on and off Xanax for the last 10 years - I even recently for about 5-6 months did not have to take any of my meds - well those days are gone for now.
I absolutely cannot drive on the interstate (I tell everyone that I'm scared of the trucks) but being truthful - I'm not scared or those trucks - I'm scared that I'll have an attack and not be able to get off until the next exit (sometimes 10 miles) FORGET IT!!!! I have to say in all the crap I've been through driving express ways will always be the ONE thing I will not do.
Well, sorry to be so long - but I'm very frustrated and hope to hell that this goes away pretty soon.
Take care and . . . Take Care!
Rosie
