Shyness Its A Curse

Have posted a post about how bad anxiety gets after one day drinking and a clear day off the drink.
Went to see psychologist today first appointment which was painfully hard there are many issues surrounding us manly avoidance, and agrophoba because find it hard to venture out and about by myself
Through alot of this issues it comes down to one thing and that is being shy very shy most times and this is getting in the way so much. Cant seem to get out of this barrier of being so quiet and shy it got in the way of last job cause didnt talk and found it hard to. But its just the nature was born with
The main problem is that paranoia and suspicion are really making things harder and they only get easier once dealt with threat etc constant eye contact and being in situations where thoughts words said might not be what want to hear are dealt with.
Classic example in a restaurant or tescossuper market or busy high street.
Thinking its going to be while before can be better with this and being able to communicate without feeling dread and annoyance at stuff just CANT control.
By this meaning being in control and not letting others make us feel that what are doing and saying is wrong.
Its almost as if its people am doing everything for working for trying constantly to please and that feeling of passive behaviour doesnt ever go away
Its very deep rooted.
WHY does it have to be like this its constant:o




SALVATION LIES WITHIN

Hi

Do you think shyness is something in your nature or in the habits you learn?

I've often thought it's something we develop in our formative years but I do think it's possible to change it (not that I've managed it yet).

I also think it depends on circumstances. When I told people that I suffered from anxiety most of them said "you are one of the most confident people I know". I guess you learn to mask it so you come across as confident.

Anyway, did the psychologist suggest anything helpful?

Chris

This is interesting, as a result of my anxiety I feel very uncomfortable in group discussions and certain situations.

It is easier for me when it is 'down the pub' as after a quick pint I can relax and join in but day to day can be a struggle.

I have recently been on a home study course for work with my collegues and when it can to the exam I worked myself up and was visably nervous. Everyone commented and the fact that I was the last person they expected to be nervous as I always seem to be a confident person.

Thinking about this I was nervous the whole time about the exam and how I would cope was always a constant worry BUT whenever people spoke about how nervous they were leading upto the exam I 'masked' my feelings and put on a brave face. Maybe masking is not a good idea. If I had shared my concerns and worries rather than building them up I may of coped better. Oh well I failed the exam so I can put this into practice next time and see how I get on.

Hi

I think one of the biggest problems with anxiety is that it's not socially acceptable to have it so you do try to hide it.

You only have to look at birds on your garden to see that they are always jumpy and twitching - they have an ingrained anxiety but they don't feel under any social pressure so they are not embarrassed about it. It is a way of life to them, not a problem.

What do you think?

Chris

Think that is very true especially about birds
Like the way put its anxiety is not socially acceptable, so try to hide it but that makes it alot worse for me. A mask is maybe not a good idea but in some ways it does help to cover anxiety or WHAT AM suffering from insdie nerves doubt dread fear etc.
The main problem is that anxiety causes shyness and its this anxiety that am suffering from right now. Anxiety acutally builds up making the behaviour of shyness unbearable.
The psychologist didnt say much only listened took down notes etc next time next session will come up with a plan or a structure
Thanks for the advice it was great.
Also travel bug sorry u failed your exam.

Got a remedy or cure not instant but when feel anxiety build up or get uncontrollable try and breath in through nose and out through mouth alot like it becomes a routine now in the flat but when tried it yesterday in a busy hospital felt like an outsider or weird stupid but if can get do it and not care what others think then can get through stuff that seems unbearable . Its a way to channel the anxiety.


Thanks laters :cool: .

Hi

To take your breathing exercises one stage further:
Make your out-breaths longer than your in-breaths - your heart beats faster while you are breathing in and slower when you are breathing out.
When you do an out-breath, try to replicate a sigh, as if you are so relieved about something, and let your shoulders sink down, feel them relaxing.
If nobody is looking (or if you don't care) puff your cheeks out about every 10th out breath and blow the air out.

Hope this helps

Chris