mpadgett
24-05-05, 11:12 PM
I just wanted to introduce myself -- my name is Mike and I just wanted to describe all that I've been going through, starting a couple months ago.
I have had recent anxiety and panic attacks, but I think the cause was something more deep-rooted... or maybe not... I dunno.
--- Before the attacks started ----
My job is sometimes very demanding and we'd have occasional "crunch periods" where we would have to work at least 10-12 hours a day to get a product or demo completed.
Also I have been living away from my family & friends for a little over 3 years. I usually visit home once every couple months-- but as of mid-May I had not been home since January. I AM going home this weekend however -- for an extended vacation.
Not only that but it's always been difficult for me to make friends. I'm not a great conversationalist and sometimes I get hungup over myself.
I have been considering quitting my job now for a long time, but am uncertain as to my future plans afterwards, so I stayed.
I was going through a time of change in February-March -- I was looking at new apartments in the area, basically a new situation since I wanted out of my current roommates -- we didn't have much in common.
I found one place where I felt I'd be happy after visiting there the first time. One roommate and she was very nice.
I realized that I rushed into this new situation without thinking everything through... why?
1. The day I moved in, she told me her ex-bf would be living there also. This was really unexpected and threw me off my guard. He was cool but made me uncomfortable socially. I wanted to leave the place immediately but I had already moved my furniture there. So I told them I was having second thoughts and mulled it over.
2. I realized the commute was way longer than I wanted.
So, at the time I was living both in that new place and at my old place, kind of at the same time, some nights I would stay in the new place and other nights I would stay at my old place -- it depended on whether I felt emotionally prepped any given day. I felt like I needed a change, that I was soooo tired of living in my current situation but at the same time was unsure of the new situation. So... Less than a week went by when I decided that I would not stay in that new place after all.
One Friday night I came home to the new place, and we ate a nice dinner and had some wine. We watched some movies I brought over -- and they were smoking pot. I had never had any before, and was curious to get a "high" and so they offered me some.
Wanting to feel accepted and also out of sheer curiosity, I took the offer (which I now realized I NEVER should have done).
The experience was the worst thing I've ever had in my life. At first I was high, but then I had a panic attack with extreme feelings of insecurity, like I was going crazy. I remember fearing for my sanity and possibly dying... after the episode I went back to my old place to "stabilize" for a few days. I then moved out of there completely -- something I should have done way earlier.
Then things were normal for the next couple months.
I got back on track, started exercising and eating/sleeping better, and made sure not to dwellon work stressors. I worked 7-8 hours a day.
But then we had another "crunch period" at work -- and our new policy was that everyone should work 10 hours a day... the bonus of course is that we get a great product out the door, and that when it's all over we celebrate and take mucho comp time. For me I didn't feel as it was worth it, but the overload of stress was blinding me at the time.
The large workload ended a week and a half ago. When it was over that's when my 2nd panic/anxiety attack came -- when our deadline came.
It was weird, because with the stress from work now gone, I should have been relaxed -- instead, the panic attack came over me, and I was confused, lonely, and felt like things were going out of my control.
The next one came at me unexpectedly at a movie theater-- during the rest of the movie I was ansty, shaky, and trembling, unable to focus.
That night I woke up in the middle of the night, and feeling this "unreality" ,scary sensation... like I can't describe in words. Unreal, scared, lonely... and to deal with this feeling I kept saying to myself "stop it, this is ridiculous".
But since then -- I have gotten better over the last several days.
Most of the time I'm okay but occasionally -- rarely, I get a creeping feeling, in the back of my mind, worrying if it'll happen again.
But it seems that both my sleep and my appetite have been reduced.
Should I get treatment for this? Will things get better for me? What should I do? I know I need to stop worrying so much...
Sorry for the long-winded post.
Thanks for your support.
Mike
I have had recent anxiety and panic attacks, but I think the cause was something more deep-rooted... or maybe not... I dunno.
--- Before the attacks started ----
My job is sometimes very demanding and we'd have occasional "crunch periods" where we would have to work at least 10-12 hours a day to get a product or demo completed.
Also I have been living away from my family & friends for a little over 3 years. I usually visit home once every couple months-- but as of mid-May I had not been home since January. I AM going home this weekend however -- for an extended vacation.
Not only that but it's always been difficult for me to make friends. I'm not a great conversationalist and sometimes I get hungup over myself.
I have been considering quitting my job now for a long time, but am uncertain as to my future plans afterwards, so I stayed.
I was going through a time of change in February-March -- I was looking at new apartments in the area, basically a new situation since I wanted out of my current roommates -- we didn't have much in common.
I found one place where I felt I'd be happy after visiting there the first time. One roommate and she was very nice.
I realized that I rushed into this new situation without thinking everything through... why?
1. The day I moved in, she told me her ex-bf would be living there also. This was really unexpected and threw me off my guard. He was cool but made me uncomfortable socially. I wanted to leave the place immediately but I had already moved my furniture there. So I told them I was having second thoughts and mulled it over.
2. I realized the commute was way longer than I wanted.
So, at the time I was living both in that new place and at my old place, kind of at the same time, some nights I would stay in the new place and other nights I would stay at my old place -- it depended on whether I felt emotionally prepped any given day. I felt like I needed a change, that I was soooo tired of living in my current situation but at the same time was unsure of the new situation. So... Less than a week went by when I decided that I would not stay in that new place after all.
One Friday night I came home to the new place, and we ate a nice dinner and had some wine. We watched some movies I brought over -- and they were smoking pot. I had never had any before, and was curious to get a "high" and so they offered me some.
Wanting to feel accepted and also out of sheer curiosity, I took the offer (which I now realized I NEVER should have done).
The experience was the worst thing I've ever had in my life. At first I was high, but then I had a panic attack with extreme feelings of insecurity, like I was going crazy. I remember fearing for my sanity and possibly dying... after the episode I went back to my old place to "stabilize" for a few days. I then moved out of there completely -- something I should have done way earlier.
Then things were normal for the next couple months.
I got back on track, started exercising and eating/sleeping better, and made sure not to dwellon work stressors. I worked 7-8 hours a day.
But then we had another "crunch period" at work -- and our new policy was that everyone should work 10 hours a day... the bonus of course is that we get a great product out the door, and that when it's all over we celebrate and take mucho comp time. For me I didn't feel as it was worth it, but the overload of stress was blinding me at the time.
The large workload ended a week and a half ago. When it was over that's when my 2nd panic/anxiety attack came -- when our deadline came.
It was weird, because with the stress from work now gone, I should have been relaxed -- instead, the panic attack came over me, and I was confused, lonely, and felt like things were going out of my control.
The next one came at me unexpectedly at a movie theater-- during the rest of the movie I was ansty, shaky, and trembling, unable to focus.
That night I woke up in the middle of the night, and feeling this "unreality" ,scary sensation... like I can't describe in words. Unreal, scared, lonely... and to deal with this feeling I kept saying to myself "stop it, this is ridiculous".
But since then -- I have gotten better over the last several days.
Most of the time I'm okay but occasionally -- rarely, I get a creeping feeling, in the back of my mind, worrying if it'll happen again.
But it seems that both my sleep and my appetite have been reduced.
Should I get treatment for this? Will things get better for me? What should I do? I know I need to stop worrying so much...
Sorry for the long-winded post.
Thanks for your support.
Mike
