USArmywife
16-05-05, 04:11 PM
:P howdy! i'm 20, i'm married to a military man and have a 3yrd old little girl and a little boy due in any day now. For about 6 years now I've been in a constant state of anxiety, there is no such thing as relaxation for me, and I am constantly excessively worried about my health; most especially my heart. When I was 14 my grandmother, whom i was very close to, died very unexpectedly of a heart attack. A few weeks after the funreal I started having sensations of my heart skipping and racing, I would suddenly freak out for no reason. That June (she died in April) I went to church camp with my youth group and miraculously, the entire stay there I never once had my normal physical sensations nor a panic attack. Over the course of the years leading to my 16th year, I rarely ever had a bout of anxiety. I didn't really worry that much about it I considered myself in good shape (i played semi-pro, youth national level soccer) and therefore there was no need to worry about my heart. Although a few times I did have a panic attack or a palpitation. When I was 16 I became pregnant with my daughter, the pregnancy was uneventful; except for one minor episode in my 7th month when my heart just suddenly began racing and I just flipped out. After that I was fine, until after I had my daughter. The anxiety and palpitations came back with such a vengence I just couldn't function anymore. It completely controlled my life, palpitations would come every day, I wouldn't even spend too much time with my daughter because I was scared most of the time. 5 months after she was born I had a very curious episode of fainting; for no particular reason, but i suddenly became dizzy, aware that I was losing consciousness, my heart slowed down considerably, I was shaking, hot, etc., then I lost consciousness. That only made the situation worse. I had one really bad panic attack this past June, it felt like my heart paused then it began to beat incredibly fast. to which I freaked out and just had to get out of the place that I was at and back home. I could hardly feel my pulse at all, although I could tell it was beating rapidly and skipping as well. And its been so hard since then. Throughout this pregnancy I've been cursed with the anxiety, I'm unable to enjoy this time in my life because of it. I'm overcome with the anxiety that my palpitations will cause some kind of complication during labor and delivery. I've been to psychs but they haven't helped..at all. Its so frustrating; I'm actually afraid of my heart, like that there is something wrong with it and I'm going to die from a problem with my heart ( although problems with the heart don't really run in my family on either side). I can't excerise, go out with friends, work, anything without worrying that my heart is going to do something. One thing that I am really curious about I was browsing through the threads and noticed that when others feel the skipped beats its a pause then a thump that they feel. Its backwards for me; it feels like it thumps then pauses. or maybe its just i don't feel the pause and the thump makes me think it paused since it was such a hard beat. IDK. I'm not scared of anything else except for my heart, does anyone have any advice on how to break this awful way of life? I hate living everyday in fear.
