im jam packed with issues

Hi everyone im a 25yr old guy from Ireland. I'm really glad I came across this site last night and seen that im not the only header on the planet.

When I was 14yr old I managed to catch a disease called Meningitis meningococcal septicaemia strain B (The worst one) This disease is one of the ones were if you live your gona be ok and if you don't well your toast. The disease involves blood posing and shuts down your immune system causing blood vessels to burst, etc. it also attacks the brain and can cause brain damage. I was lucky enough to pull through it ok without any brain damage or loss of limbs. I do how ever have some scars on my legs but nothing major and i've been left with a slight stutter that piss's me off I was also left with constant migraines.

It took a bit of getting used to all this as you can imagine so between the age of 14 and 17 I was a bit off the rails to say the least the doctor at the time said I had Post traumata stress. I couldn't hold down a job due to the sore heads and I got really nervy round people I didn't know. Then when I turned 17 I started smoking cannabis and believe it or not the sore heads went away and have stayed away :) But by the age of 19 I started getting paranoid because I was smoking to much. I couldn't go into shopping centres because I thought people were looking at me so with the help of my girlfriend I stoped the cannabis and the whole people looking at me thing slowly went away and I felt ok for a bit.
well about a year. then It started to go down hill for me from then until now

I started to fixate on the whole stutter thing even though I know it isn't really bad I stoped answering the phone I also avoided conversations with people when possible. Even when I started up our business I let my girl friend do all the talking and it progressed I didn't want to going shops in case I had to open my mouth. Over time i've got worse and worse

I tick all the boxes that a basket case would. I still can't go into shops or be in a que of people I can't go to the cinema I get sweaty hands and im not good in traffic whilst in the car. From time to time when I lie in bed I feel as if my head is vibrating and I think to myself that im completely insane I can't sit with other people as I get really nervy and need to get out of the place. Just the other day I had to go to a breathing class with my girlfriend because she is pregnant and due next month I didn't think about going to the class all day then when it came time to go I was ok until I walked into the room of about 30 people I thought to myself (Ok you can do this) so I sat down and the girl started giving her speech at this point I was looking at the ground and taping my foot like there is a want in me my heart was flat out and my hands were sweating I could feel my face going red with utter embarrassment and I started to do the usual which is (How to hell do I get out of here) then I went to the door and said im gona go to the toilet hoping to leave the room and the girl says "the toiled is just there" it was in the same room as everyone else LOL so at this point im going mad inside and I walk into the toilet and lucky enough right next to it is an open door leading to freedom so I turn round and say to my girl friend im just going out here for a smoke and obviously she knew I was making a beeline for it so she came with me.

I have never went to my doctor about any of this from fear of him saying I was nuts. I also didn't go because I try to cope without Drugs because we all know the drugs only help for about a year then make matters worse in the end. I have spoke to my girlfriend about it and she just laughs and says wise up your ok and believe it or not this helps me.

What I find really strange is, when I have a drink on a friday or Saturday night I can go anywhere and be around any amount of people and I would talk the leg of a wooden chair.

Well, above are my issues and as you can see im jam packed. but when it's all said and done my life is ok I guess. I have the best girlfriend and were having a baby next month and my family are the best too.

Hiya,

aside from the panic attacks you seem like you have a pretty good life and it's great that you realise that. You have a business, a girlfriend who supports you, a brand new baby on the way and a great family. It doesn't make you nuts or a failure or sad having these attacks. It's amazing the number of people who suffer from them. I suggest going to your docs - he won't tell you nuts! If you are not keen on taking medication then just tell him so, he can't force you. I haven't ever taken them and ok, it's maybe made my time harder in the short term but in the long term I haven't come to rely on meds to help me. It seems that you were reliant on cannabis in the past and now perhaps you are getting the same way with alcohol. Tell your doc this too, that you feel great when you have had a drink. Alcohol makes a person more confident in general and this is perhaps all that is happening. Maybe try to get some help with your self esteem and confidence? These are only guesses and suggestions.

I hope you are able to get some help with this. Good luck with it and enjoy the new baby when he/she arrives!!

Thank you for taking the time to reply Fighting, You summed everything up pretty well. I have an appointment with my doctor next Thursday so I'll post up what he reckons

Hiya,
The feeling of going nuts is quite a normal one when you suffer from anxiety, i really thought that i was going mad when mine first started 9 years ago, you will be pleased to know i have not gone mad and am still here.
I really believed they were going to lock me up and throw away the key, you need to try and understand that all these feelings are part and parcel of it, and once you do this they start to get better.
I still have panic attacks and live with my anxiety on a daily basis some days are better than others, i had a panic attack while on a driving lesson just a few weeks ago, i started feeling sick and getting the feeling that i was going to pass out, and i just had to tell myself it is a panic attack i wont pass out i have never passed out from one yet.
I know its hard but i sometimes find that rather than running for the nearest exit, just sitting it out and deep breathing untill it passes is better, which is easier said than done when you in full panic mode,, but after you feel such a sense of achievement and you can pat yourself on the back and say i made it through that one.
The more you do things the easier they get, i really hope this has helped you in some way.
louise