first time visitor with anxiety

first time at this, so not quite sure what i am doing, other than, i know i would dearly appreciate someone to relate with

Hi Leslie,

Welcome to the forum, and I am sure you will find lots of people in our community with whom you can relate to.

A lot of us have suffered with anxiety for years, and some have managed to cope quite effectively. You can browse through the various threads for some suggestions and advice, or you can post your questions here, and we will all try to answer them for you.

There is also a section on the forum index called "Introduce Yourself," and you can start a new discussion and let us know all about what you are going through and what has and has not worked for you.

You're not alone, we are all here to help and support you.

Thank you 'SWINGY' for your warm welcome to this forum.

My confusion/frustration, in part, comes from the fact that people who know me all consider me to be the most confident and entertaining person they have come across but, to me, it's all an act to conceal my anxiety.

As a result, no-one gets 'close' to me which not only saddens but makes me feel like im a fraud

My confusion/frustration, in part, comes from the fact that people who know me all consider me to be the most confident and entertaining person they have come across but, to me, it's all an act to conceal my anxiety.

As a result, no-one gets 'close' to me which not only saddens but makes me feel like im a fraud


I don't think it's really an act, you are most likely confident and entertaining, except where it comes to dealing with your anxiety. Your anxiety makes you think you're acting, but you are just not showing a side of yourself that you wish to reveal. Many people keep their anxiety hidden, because who wants to be thought of as less than normal?

Are you afraid to let people get close to you because they might discover your secret? You're not a fraud, you're only doing it in self-preservation to avoid potential hurt. I think talking about it is the first step, and then you can explore other avenues to help you overcome this problem.

You are here in a supportive community, and I hope we can help you in some way. Keep us posted, and try to be positive. You have so much going for you, anxiety isn't your whole person.

Leslie, the previous post was from me, I had forgotten to log-in, duh!
Swingy

Very wise words from 'GUEST', to which i thank you. Where do we go from here in attempt to get to the bottom of things?

Leslie, I guess we can go wherever you want to go. What do you want to share with us? Is your anxiety overwhelmng your life? Do you want to share your story and experiences?

It's dificult to know what the "bottom of things" are, when we don't know much about your story. I had suggested the Introduce Yourself forum thread, so you could share your bio, but I'd be willing to address any questions/issues you might have in this thread. I think there would be more replies in the Introduce Yourself forum---your choice.

I really wish to offer whatever help and support I can, having experienced anxiety and panic for over 20 years.

Hope to hear from you again, and take care.

Thank-you 'Swingy' for your words of comfort and understanding. Would like to open-up but would prefer to discuss on a more private 'area'. Not sure how to get there......... guidence would be appreciated

You're welcome Leslie, we know just how you feel.

These forums are anomynous, no one knows who you really are, or even where you live--you can keep your profile as private as you want, and can even change your username to another. I have absolutely no clue who you are, except a person who suffers from the same problems as me. And vice versa.

I'm not sure if there is a more private area in this forum; I'm rather new here too. I would think you could always use the PM option, and choose to speak with just one person.

Perhaps others will respond to this post, and have more suggestions.

I'm thinking of you, and hoping you can find the kind of support and guidance that you might need here.

why is it that we can 'get-away' with being some-one, which we are not, that is not only admired but respected?

Because we are wonderful, charming, intelligent people, and we aren't really getting away with it---I think that's more of our mindset more than anything else.

If you feel you want to talk more privately, PM me, or email me at: green_seadragon@yahoo.com

Hi,

I’m new here too and have joined specifically for help with this problem, I feel no one knows the real me.
Everyone thinks I’m confident, outgoing and funny but i think i'm the opposite and now the pressure to be this person has caused me to panic. It really started about a month ago and now I’m finding it difficult to go out at all.

I feel my life is a lie and I don't trust anyone enough to let them in.

KJ77.....

What a bloody pressure!

Sound like you have a perfectly comparible trait.......! Giving you a little more insight to my circumstances.........My hang-ups relate to Having done two relationships in 15 yrs. 1st.... 7, and 2nd, which finished 5yrs ago, lasted 8. Sort of figured now, at the tender age or 38 that i am tired of trying. Point being that the large proportion of breakdown/failiure was the result of my deep-rooted anxieties of which i would never share with my partner, (manly on the basis i would attempt to protect them from what i considered ''weakness''). Now it seems 'easy' to carry on this life but the irony is that i am so lonely but have no idea of how to re-address the situation. Catch 22 i suppose!

Hi,

I’m new here too and have joined specifically for help with this problem, I feel no one knows the real me.
Everyone thinks I’m confident, outgoing and funny but i think i'm the opposite and now the pressure to be this person has caused me to panic. It really started about a month ago and now I’m finding it difficult to go out at all.

I feel my life is a lie and I don't trust anyone enough to let them in.

Hi KJ77,

Welcome to the forum, and I hope you'll find some of what you read here useful.

I think one of the reasons that people think you are confident, outgoing, and funny is that because you truly are. I'm not sure where you feel the pressure to be this person is coming from, if you're not. However, it is your inner-self esteem that is telling you that either you're not confident, outgoing, and funny enough, or telling you that you're not trying hard enough. The inner struggle you're going through is definitely enough to set off panic, and the result is that you don't want to go out in order to deal with your fears and anxieties. You're afraid that you won't live up to that perceived image of the outgoing and confident person you've so sucessfully portrayed, and feel as if you are a fraud. YOU ARE NOT A FRAUD AND YOUR LIFE IS NOT A LIE. You're afraid to let anyone in, because then they'll find out that you're a fraud (but, as I already said before in CAPS, you are not). Of course no one knows the real you, you wouldn't admit this to them, because it would expose your fear that your life is a lie. But, it just feels like a lie, and it your mind is very convincing that this is so.

This is a very common fear, and very commonly engenders both anxiety and panic.

In my opinion, you have some issues with self-esteem that are undermining your confidence and demeanor. Are you currently seeing a therapist or counselor? I would suggest one, if you don't already have one. Since you are at the point where you are beginning to experience anxiety and panic, it would be so very beneficial at this point to try to get these issues resolved.

It's also very helpful to let these feelings out, and let these forums work for you. Here, you'll find a lot of good advice, concern, but best of all, support for what you are going through, because you are not alone. A lot of us have had to deal with exactly the same issues, myself included.

Feel free to PM or email me if you don't wish to post, and KJ, I hope we can help you through this difficult phase in your life.

KJ77.....

What a bloody pressure!

Sound like you have a perfectly comparible trait.......! Giving you a little more insight to my circumstances.........My hang-ups relate to Having done two relationships in 15 yrs. 1st.... 7, and 2nd, which finished 5yrs ago, lasted 8. Sort of figured now, at the tender age or 38 that i am tired of trying. Point being that the large proportion of breakdown/failiure was the result of my deep-rooted anxieties of which i would never share with my partner, (manly on the basis i would attempt to protect them from what i considered ''weakness''). Now it seems 'easy' to carry on this life but the irony is that i am so lonely but have no idea of how to re-address the situation. Catch 22 i suppose!

Leslie,

I think you've been through two very traumatic breakups, and it has enormously affected you emotionally. No one really wants to 'expose' their weaknesses to a partner, especially if yours were anxiety-related. You know as well as I how little that is understood by the general population. Your need to "protect" them put an enormous burden on you, one you could never hope to carry on sucessfully for years without breaking down.

Lonliness can be very temporary, and you can readdress the situation. May I suggest what I suggested to KJ, see a counselor or therapist. You are way too young to give up and live a life of despair, lonliness, anxiety, and panic. Not really a Catch-22 situation, it is a decision you need to make. Help is there if you reach out for it. It can be scary, and I so understand that, and you just may not be ready for it. But, at least give it a consideration, in that way, you've nothing to lose.

There are many others who have been in your shoes and have come out unscathed. There are many others who are now lurking in the forum and afraid to post. At least, you took the first step, and that is true progress.

If you don't want to post, you can PM or email me anytime.

Leslie/Swingy,

See the thing is I want to be lonely; I want all my friends and family to disappear so that I can relax and be myself, I can't seem to concentrate because my head is too busy (not sure how to explain it)

I really don't want to see a therapist...

KJ77,

You speak SO to the point!!

Wish i had that ability, however, i totally understand where you are coming from. I, currently am going through a similar process of wanting to be on my own, theory being that our 'days' will be so much easier. What i'm finding though is that, quite ironically, things only get more difficult, painful and bloody anxious!!

Point being is that i do see both sides of my thoughts process but seem to be perfectly unable to do ''Jack-Shit'' about things!!

Why?

KJ77 & Leslie,

Your head could be too busy because it is trying to deal with all of the anxious thoughts. I can certainly understand why you want to be alone and isolate yourself at this point. You are protecting yourself mentally.

Leslie, you say that you're unable to do jack-shit about doing things, but really, you've already taken the first step by visiting this forum and expressing your feelings. You'll have to be ready to take the next step, and only you will know when you will be ready for that.


KJ77, a therapist would be so useful, but if you're not ready, then you're not ready. Like I said to Leslie, only you will know when you are ready to take the next step.

There are some really good books on this subject available today. Do you need some recommendations of titles? You may prefer a book over seeing a therapist.

And, I hope you'll continue to visit the forums and post, and let us know how you're doing.

PM or Email me if you want to talk more privately; I'll offer any support I can give.

Hugs,
Swingy

Leslie,

So isolation doesn't work? - I was planning on moving away and starting again.

I'm often terrified by the way I behave or the things I do, yet seem to have no control over it – The morning after such an event I suffer horrific paranoia.

Why can't we do anything about it? - I have no idea...I seem to interact with people on an automatic level, something kicks in and I can't stop it!

To KJ77,

I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to be life and soul of any party, should it be business or pleasure.

One thing i always find, although far from being perfect myself, my contribution to the table far surpasses what i receive in return. maybe we shold quite simply raise our game?

Leslie,

It often feels like work - I don't think I have the energy mentally to raise my game.

It's my 'Friends' that put pressure on me to be the life and soul and it's not helped by the fact that I won't let anyone get close to me.

Your positive outlook impresses me; I could certainly do with a dose of that!!!

KJ77,

I, fundamentaly, always try to motivate myself to not let things get me down too much. Of course, they do, but is important to keep kicking yourself up the arse, if only for purposes of sanity!

Have you, at least, tried this?

I'm trying to but it seems to be much more difficult than it sounds!

I'm in the process of concentrating on the things in life that I’m good at and slowly working on the aspects that make me panic.

KJ77.

Think i understand. Give me a typical scenario though.......

Im 23 and have experienced what I think are panic attacks on and off for the past year. They interupt my sleeping, which in turn interupts my school work and my life. Is this just a phase or is it a forever thing? Sometimes they get so bad I think I am going to die. Afterwards I feel like I'm crazy for thinking that, but during the attack, I can't control anything! Do any of you have any relaxing methods that have helped you get out of the panic attacks? I feel desperate..... :( When I started browsing this site I realized I wasn't the only one with these problems, and I think talking them out with other people that share simialr experiences will be helpful. I'll appreciate any advice. Thanks