I've had enough!!!

Hello.. I'm 26 years old and I've been having panic attacks ever since I was 18 years old. It feels very good to get this out in the open so please excuse my rambling in this post. I remember the day so clearly... I was away at school and it was the end of the second semester. My close friend and I had decided that we weren't going to smoke pot during finals...(didn't really matter cause I never went to class anyway). However being major pot heads, acid freaks, drunks, anything to get high you name it type of people, we decided to smoke anyway. I was in the back seat of an SUV smoking a bowl when all of the sudden I felt unusually high....almost like a bad trip. When we reached our destination I got out of the car and completely lost it. I thought I was over dosing and that I was going to die. I remember thinking to myself, "Oh my God, I'm 18 and this is how I'm going to die, I can't believe it!" I begged my friends to rush me to the hospital and they did. I was in the backseat clawing at my girlfriend. I couldn't open my hands, there were closed shut, my lips were tingling, and I really thought it was the end. When we reached the the ER, I eventually calmed down, they gave me some muscle relaxers, and after a while I was much more calm. Things have never been the same.
My parents came to get me that semester, and learned of what had happened. I can no longer smoke pot because of the extreme anxiety I get. I have since stopped doing pot and any other narcotic. I realized it just simply wasn't worth it. But that didn't stop the panic.
My doctor put me on Zoloft and I've been taking it for about 4-5 years now and I still get the attacks. I would drink regularly because when I am buzzed I don't feel the panic. I can't feel much of anything.
I finally graduated college, but during that time I started drinking heavily again, and using extasy as my drug of choice. Of course, the panic re-surfaced. Now I'm 26 and have a steady job, live at home with my parents, and try to deal with this disorder on a daily basis.
Now that you know my background (I believe it's the cause of these friggen attacks) I can share how I'm feeling.
They come on so suddenly. They're so scary. I either think I'm having a heart attack, or I feel so disconnected with everything that's around me I start to lose my mind. Like.. I could look at my television and think to myself, "That's not real... oh my god.. I'm alone.. ahhhhh" I don't know what to do anymore. My dad thinks it is related to my drinking and wants me to stop drinking. He says everytime I have too much...I bug out the next day, and I have these attacks.
Today I stopped drinking, and I feel horrible. I feel so alone, and scared. The alcohol is all around me and it's all I can think of...but I won't have a drink, because then I won't be able to determine if my dad is right or not. I know I should see a therapist and talk through my problems... I feel like I permanently screwed up my brain with all the drugs I've done.. that I'm mentally insane... that I should be locked up... I don't know what to do anymore.. someone please help me....

Hi Theresa,

It can be very easy to lean and depend on alcohol through-out anxiety and panic attacks. For that moment that you're drinking, it does feel that it takes the edge off it all. I know, because I went through a similiar thing.

But of course, the next day, I would feel a zillion times worse, and I'd usually be begging my husband to take me to the ER when the hang over would set in.

Thing is this, anxiety is a symptom of dehydration. Combine that when you already have anxiety disorder, you are going to make yourself feel a whole lot worse.

I begun to look at it like this: If I could bring some temporary relief from my anxiety from having a few drinks, then I mustn't be dying of all these terrible things that I thought I was. Drinking alcohol surely isn't going to take away a deadly disease was it?

Just a thumbs up 8)

Hi,
I have suffered a similar experience after smoking pot. It started with a trip where everything seemed to be skipping from frame to frame (much like a strobe lighting effect. ever since I have had these panic attacks. This only started about 2 months back, although I have felt it gettin worse steadily. I have also been tempted to drink to alleviate it. But it is true that you feel worse the day after. Keep your spirits up. I know it's hard. Try not to dwell on anxious thoughts.

That is true.. if alcohol can alleviate these problems than it must not be some weird deadly disease that I'm suffering from!! I was actually just sitting at the table and started bugging out. It's all I can think about is this anxiety!!!!! It used to be that my heart would race and I would think I"m having a heart attack, but now it's like everything around me is so fake, and I get this weird feeling, then I get really sick to my stomach and I just feel like running.... AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I called my doctor today and told him that these panic attacks have to stop. I can't function! I take zoloft and I have been for years ... but it's just not working anymore... He suggested a therapist that I called but of course did not call me back and also suggested that maybe I switch medication. Do you think the zoloft could be having some weird affect on my brain?

Also, with the drug thing, that is exactly what happened... the strobe light affect.. like everything was going frame to frame...

Right now all I can think about is anxiety.. I had it under control for a while with the zoloft but I just can't deal right now.. can't deal at all.. I feel like im jumping out of my damn skin!!!!

What you are feeling is a normal response to anxiety, like your not in a real place. When your caught up in the cycle of anxiety it so hard to get your mind off of it. What has really helped me recently is to do deep breathing and it will evently slow it all down. The negative thoughts are also symptoms, it is your brain tricking you into thinking your in danger YOU are not is just feels bloody awful. Call the therapist again if you don't hear back.
Music is also good to divert your mind or do some cleaning. Exercise even just swinging your arms around will help you to get rid of the extra adrenline. , singing.
Zoloft may be affecting you, do Not stop this abrupty go talk to your doctor on how to stop taking it if you choose to stop it. I know how awful this all feels but you can take some steps to make it easier. Going in to speak with your doctor will also help.
Lisa

I too have a anxiety disorder. I had it really bad after I first got married.
I did not want to go out, I was full of fear, thought I would go crazy, always in a fog and felt there was no way out and I would be this way forever.

Well, first thing is first. I turned to Christ. I gave everything over to God and moved forward from their. I had to face and release from my father who physically and verbally abused me. (we are great friends now, by the way).

next, I sought a good, stable counselor and she (when I was ready) steered me to reading "the new mood therapy" book. It was cognitive therapy. Writing down rational responses to irrational thoughts. AWESOME book. Within 6-months I felt better than I ever had in my entire life.

Point is, it takes time and effort. I would doing something to keep my mind off it like play my drums, color with the kids, play the guitar,read my Bible, etc.

Good luck and remember, if you think your losing it or going crazy, then actually the opposite is true, your actually more sane than you think.

Mine has come back in full force (new problems in my life) but I am working on it again and am hopeful I will get through this again.

Hi Mikelets456,
If it has all come up for you again Let me suggest the Linden Method. he offers a way that You'll be cured for life no matter what the ztressors are.
Lisa

I am coming off of zoloft and it's totally buggin me out... (it's theresa by the way) I just with I never started taking the damn things and I went into therapy to begin with... ARGH!!!! But nonetheless.. we cannot predict our future... we can just sit on the roller coaster of life and enjoy the ride... if at all possible.

Has anyone ever come off zoloft before???

Hi Theresa,
I have come down off of Valium myself and I felt like you. I didn't spell Zoloft right before.
I now am coping with an axiety disorder and am feeling like jumping out of my skin. I find deep breating can't help as well as diversion.

I've come off zoloft and aropax before (at seperate times of course)

Neither fun, and I had times where I caved and went back on it to stop the nasty sensations (eg. I felt like my brain was shaking)... Locked myself away in my room, couldn't concentrate whatsoever.... Not to mention the anxiety was back in full swing....

But believe me, once you come down off them, suddenly everything becomes much clearer and you almost want to give your doctor a pinch, kick and a slap for ever recommending them ;-)

Suddenly the brain fog disappears, and your memory improves, and you no longer feel like a walking zombie... You feel almost human again! Accept that dreaded monster is still there. (anxiety/panic)

Believe me, there is certainly natural ways of eliminating anxiety and panic, the doctors have got it all wrong... And I wish there was a stronger way I could make that known to all anxiety sufferers... But howcould I possibly make every sufferer believe me (an ex-sufferer) over the medical profession?

We're all raised to believe in the medical profession, after all, they hold the certifcate of degree for it. I merely suffered it, and found the answer to conquering it by not following their instructions.

Wow! that was quite a controversial post on my part, I bet this might spark some conflict
:wink:

Hi Josie,
It is maddening isn't it when your at the Doctor's mercy. I too was put on Valium many years ago and took it for 8 years and not one Doctor questioned it, they just kept on giving me it me. Not one of them suggested counselling which I believe if they are going to give drugs that counselling has to be a condtion to get the prescription. Drugs should never be more than a short term intervention (10) days.
Doctors often don't educate themselves, their to busy and they want to relieve the patients agony quickly.
I agree with you.

Do you think it's possible to conquer this anxiety w/o meds?

I know it is the answer, I'm living proof of that

ok, is pretty late here, but let me try explain this for you...

Panic Disorder is a fear of fear... One thought feeds off the other... The more you think about it, the more you allow yourself to absorb these thoughts, the worse your anxiety becomes...

Before you know it, your imagining you have every type of disease, you wait on edge for the next pain you feel, then you over exagerate what it could be in your mind... leading to more panic and anxiety...

This is why they say anxiety is all in your mind, its not that the symptoms you are feeling aren't real, they are very real, but you created them... And you have the ability to take them away...

It's learned behaviour...

What you need to do is unlearn these patterns...

We're not born to have these emotions and thoughts, and we all have the ability to choose how we feel ... we choose our morals... we choose how certain things effect us based upon our experiences in life...

Knowing that, that means you can choose to no longer feel these sensations... Look I'm not trying to say its easy... It takes time, the quicker you learn to concentrate on something else other then your anxiety the quicker you recover...

DO whatever it takes to think about something else, relearn a new pattern of thinking...

PREFERRABLY positive thinking patterns, after all you got to live with the new pattern you intend to force yourself to learn...

Think about it, when you get on a push bike, do you need to think about what you're doing? NO! But of course it was very difficult in the beginning, you did need to think about it, until you learnt how to do it! Then it just became INSTINCT!

Just like right now, it is INSTINCTUAL for you to think about and have these anxiety and panic attacks....

You're always free to email me: joesy_jo@hotmail.com

The best of luck Theresea

Josie,
What book was the most valuable to you?
Lisa

tony robbins was probably my most valuable possession, especially the emotions cd... I listened to it all the time... still do listen to his cd's a lot, helps me put things into perspective, also another little book think it was called "Panic Attacks" written by a former sufferer always gave me a lot of relief... and another book called "change your thinking"

Thank You Josie
I would never have thought of Tony Robbins, How interesting.
Lisa

Hi Joesy!!! It's Theresa. Everything you are saying makes sense... I guess doing it is the hard part. I just wish my brain didnt feel so... polluted right now. I know it has to be that my brain is adjusting to coming off of this stupid medicine that I depended on for so many years... and when I think about it... I still had panic attacks on Zoloft... like all the time. In actuality, it wasn't helping at all!!! Now I'm just right back where I started from 7 years ago.

Today I have a consultation with a psychiatrist. My doctor recommended him and I am actually looking forward to speaking with a professional For some reason my parents totally flip me out lately and I can't stand talkign to them. My dad just thought that I coudl stop taking the medicine and I wouldn't feel so panicky, because he was convinced that it was the medicine that was making me flip out. I told him it's not that simple. ....although I'm sure we all wish that it was! :lol:

I'm determined to work through this...I'm determined to stay off medicine!!! I know I can do it! I know that I do not have to life my life afraid!!! DAMN IT!!!! :D

Thank you everyone for writing to this... it has helped me to hear from others.. and helps to know I'm not alone!

Hi to all you fellow sufferers

I had my first panic attack way back in 1978 on my 24th Birthday! That particular attack was the worst I've ever suffered. It came from nowhere starting with a sense of not being able to breathe and going outside only to find my arms tingling with pins and neeedles. What would anyone think?
...heart attack, panic! By the time I re-nentered the house (I was still living with my parents then) I was terrified and asked my mother to call a doctor. That was at 11pm in the evening, after a number of calls to the GP and the local hospital, my own GP came at 12:45pm by which time I was hyperventilating so badly that I looked like someone who has just had a stroke, my face muscles contorted and my speech slurred.
My doctor had to inject a tranquilsier, whereupon I slept for fifteen hours and had to be helped to the toilet the next day. Some Birthday!
Back then I don't think most ordinary folk had heard of panic disorder.
After 12 months of relying on Diazapam during the worst of the attacks I weaned myself off the medication and for the most part was fully recovered. Sadly three years after my divorce (in 1994) the panic attacks returned, and I've never quite recovered. (best mate runs off with wife scenario - tell you what I miss him! ...yes I can laugh now) The attacks are episodic with a general underlying anxiety. It's crap feeling like this isn't it? I have to say like many others I do tend to binge drink mainly at weekends, and the always feel anxious the following day. so why do we keep drinking? Cause it's fun and relaxing at the time.

Has anyone out there experienced a problem with interupted breathing during sleep? (similar to sleep apnoea) These attacks scare me rigid, and can happen several times a night on occasions. I wake up and have to force myself to breathe in..my heart beating like crazy! Like you suddenly forgot how to breathe. This usually happens just as I'm drifting off but can happen in the middle of the night too.

Let me know if you have experienced similar

Anyway enough of my ramblings...good luck to all you fellow sufferers out there.

Mikeoscar

That is an awesome question Mike.

I had similar experiences. Waking up and feeling as though I had forgotten to breathe and gasping for air.

Here are some things I found that probably correlated with this happening. I noticed that before I went to sleep, during that day I would be concerned with my breathing during the day. Another thing I found was my dream upon waking was “anxious” and “panicky” I felt I couldn’t breathe during my dream.

So I went in to research dreams a little. And what is assumed and I tend to believe since it makes sense is that in our dreams we tend to replay certain events in our life through our dreams, and is also used as a way to deal with certain issues we may have subconsciously.

I stopped waking up to these night panics when I dealt with my panic and assured myself I didn’t have any breathing problems.

I am definitely going to plug this information to my list, this could be extremely helpful to a lot of sufferers who also suffer with waking up to panic.

I can assure you all that out of the 17,000 plus people I have helped in the last 3 years, 90% of them experience this at some time or another. For some it comes and goes, for some it comes and stays. Some lucky ones don't get it at all!

Please be assured that this is a normal feature of the disorder and will go as you eliminate your anxiety.

I had it myself and it went with the anxiety.

Charles