thekiki
18-02-07, 07:45 AM
Hi, I'm Kiki...I've been working on my social anxiety disorder, ocd, and genophobia since I was a teenager. I've been off medications for the SAD and OCD for about a decade now and I'm doing pretty well. However, my genophobia is still pretty bad, mostly because I was just avoiding anything that would cause a reaction. That is until the last few years. I've not made much headway...I probably should see a doctor...but I hate doctors.:(
anyway, I thought it may help to talk to other people like me...
rabidbadger
18-02-07, 10:55 AM
Hi Kiki
Is your genophobia linked to a specific event from your past?
Chris
thekiki
19-02-07, 02:27 AM
Hi Kiki
Is your genophobia linked to a specific event from your past?
Chris
yes, I was raped when I was six...
This might sound like a strange post, but I think my girlfriend might be genophobic. If you don't mind, I'd like to tell our story briefly below and ask others to weigh in on whether this sounds like genophobia. I'd also like to ask how to proceed. I love her and want her to get professional help if it's needed. But I'm afraid if I suggest she has a phobia of sex, she'll get angry or defensive. Please let me know what you think of this story and what I should do.
We met three months ago. After about a month of heavy making out, and no sexual activity at all, she told me that she’s a virgin at age 20. Beautiful girl. Says she doesn’t want to have sex until she’s married. We were falling in love, crazy about each other. Over the course of 3 months, she became fairly aggressive sexually, but only oral to genital contact. Heavy making out, oral sex. She always had a rule that one of us had to have their pants on at all times. The last two times we were passionate together, on a Monday and a Wednesday night, we came dangerously close to sexual intercourse… we were both thinking about it and it came close to happening. I even said a few times, “Do you know how bad I want you? How bad I want to be inside you.” She responded well to those comments, and there was no sign of any panic or fear.
The very next day, Wednesday, her entire demeanor changed, she was emotionally distant, she was angry, withdrawn, sad. She was lukewarm to me. She described her own mental state as, “I don’t feel anything. I ‘m not motivated to do anything. I don’t care about my job or my hobbies. My mom says I’m ‘Angry at the world.’“ It was a totally different personality from her normal happy-go-lucky self. She seemed depressed, sad, moody. Then I was out of town the next 5 days, and when I came back she broke up with me. At first she said she couldn't put her finger on the reason why she was breaking it off. Then eventually, reluctantly, she admitted it was because we were getting too sexual. She said she wanted to stop it now before she fell more in love with me because she’d have to end it eventually so ending it now would be easier. She also said, “When I’m with you I love the sexual passion. But afterwards I feel bad and dirty and I hate myself for having done it. It feels right and good and normal when you're here with me, but when you're gone I feel horrible and that I've done something wrong.”
I asked her what percent of her decision to break off the relationship was that she didn’t want to have sex, or that she was feeling bad about the sexual intimacy we were sharing. I asked, “Like 90%?” And she said, yes, if not 100%.
She has a history of severe OCD as a child… hand washing, locking doors, etc. Age 14-15.
She only hangs around with women and gay men. She says every boyfriend she ever had "turned out to be gay." I asked her if this was possibly a defense mechanism so that she’d never have to face sexual advances, and she said yes.
Now she just wants to be friends with me. She says, “I can’t kiss you because that leads me to want other things and makes me want more sexual things, which I can’t do. I can’t have a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship right now, I just want to be friends. I love you and want to be emotionally close with you, but only as friends.”
She said I’m the first “relationship” she’s ever had… that she never felt love before, never did any of these sexual things before. Never had any oral contact before. This is all a first for her. I know she was falling in love with me, she admitted it.
She also said, “Don’t say you’ll be patient with me and wait for sex. Because that just makes me feel pressure that some time I will have to do it.”
MY QUESTIONS:
Does it sound like she’s suffering from Genophobia or coitophobia? I have not noticed any physiological symptoms during the passionate moments—no shortness of breath, sweating, etc.—and when we’re in the sexual passion, she seems to totally enjoy it. It’s only afterwards, after I’m gone that she says she feels terrible, sad and depressed about what we’ve done.
I love her and I want to help her—for both of our sakes, but mostly for her. What can I do?
