Help for a girlfriend of an anxious boyfriend

Hello all, my name is Penny and I'm new to the forum. I'm Chicago (the States) and came across the website while beginning my search for education and advice. I've been dating Aaron for almost six months now, and his personality is that of a worrier. He worries about everything from money to his occupation (yet to be fulfilled to his desire), to me, etc. I am much more laid back and partly because I am six years older than he, tend to see what is worth worrying over and what is not. He has suffered two anxiety attacks in the last six months, both of which exhibited the same symptoms so we diagnosed them ourselves. He's seeking counseling soon, we attend church regularly, but most importantly we are serious about a future together. We hope to be married someday and I know that if this is part of who he is, I too will need counseling myself on how to deal with it. We are both leary of the drugs meant to handle anxiety attacks mainly due to the side effects. My concern there is two-fold. I feel that if he decides to go on medication, I worry that I may no longer be talking to Aaron, but rather a drugged Aaron. I want him to be healthy and happy and I do think that counseling will help that, but I fear a long and frustrating life for myself quite frankly. Advice, please. Thanks... Penny

Hi Pennyed

First, a note about drugs... You are right that a lot of anti-depressants can cause unpleasant side-effects and even a kind of zombie-like state but I have found that citalopram and escitalopram cause very few.

I have been taking escitalopram for six months now and generally I feel much better, and other people have noticed a change in me. The only side-effect that I suffered was nausea for about a week when I first started, and I like to think that I am "still myself".

Escitalopram is marketed under the name of Lexapro in the states and Citalopram is marketed as Celexa. The main difference between the two drugs is that Escitalopram, the newer of the two, is delivered as an oxolate salt, making certain components of the drug water-soluble. Therefore, the same effect can be attained with a smaller dose (5 or 10mg compared to 20mg for Citalopram), hence fewer side-effects.

On a psychological note, I have been experimenting on myself recently, working on the theory that a lot of my own anxiety is being caused (or worsened) by conflicts in my head between my conscious and subconscious minds. I know this sounds a bit wacky but I honestly think anxiety sufferers give their own subconscious minds a real battering because they're always trying to struggle against it. Whenever you get an irrational worry in your head, the first thing you tend to think is something negative against your own subconscious mind, like "why am I feeling like this?" or "I shouldn't feel this way". I have found it quite effective to change the way you think to something like "ok, this is obviously worrying you, we'll compromise. I'll let you worry for a while but then you've got to work with me to make us both happy" - again, I know it sounds weird to talk to your subconscious mind like it's another person but we do that unwittingly anyway. Be nice to your subconscious mind and stop fighting it so much.

I hope this helps. Mail me if you want more details - rabid.badger@ntlworld.com

Chris

Hi Penny,

You sound just like how my boyfriend is with me! I think that the counselling is a good idea to find out exactly what it is that causes your partner to worry so much, and there are also other treatments out there like cognitive behavioural therapy, hypnotherapy and stuff. It's important to try something so that he knows how to deal with things in the future, as well as how he's feeling now.

If, however, his symptoms become too difficult to manage in the meantime then please dont be afraid of prescribed medication. My boyfriend was terrified when I started taking them (I'm also on escitalopram, a low dosage) because he thought my personality would change and I would be all groggy and dazed all the time. He's really happy now though because after a week of feeling a bit nauseous they started slowly to kick in and it's like having the old me back again. There's still work that I have to do myself, its not what I'd call a cure, but it eases a lot of the physical symptoms and gives me the chance to sort myself out.

If the idea still makes you both uncomfortable, but his symptoms worsen, you could also consider some herbal remedies to take the edge off the stress. Again, from what I've tried they wont make him feel drugged or groggy but just ease the physical symptoms of panic, and most of them dont have any side effects at all!

Really hope he starts to feel better soon and all the best for you both in your future,
Sarah